Things are starting to feel so real. It is hard to imagine two little creatures will be in this house soon. All reservations aside, I truly am so excited and blessed, but it is hard for me to fully show it because I am scared. There you have it... My name is Tiffany and I am scared to be a Mother of twins. I have been a downer lately and am trying like hell to pick myself up and convince myself that I can do this and that it is going to be amazing and THEY ARE BOTH GOING TO BE HEALTHY. I cannot wait to hold them and see who they look like, I can't wait to comfort them and protect them, so what am I so afraid of?
So I put on my research cap again and this time I used Mr. Google and threw in the word spacious and twin diaper bag. Low and behold a Skip Hop appeared. A Skip Hop I hadn't seen before. A Skip Hop with far more space for both our little buggers things. The Skip Hop Duo Deluxe. I read all the reviews and they were great many mentioning twins and stroller clips. I was sold. the better news was that it is was only $80 on Amazon.com. So I got the bigger bag for the same price and this time, no tax! Hahaha!!! It should be here next week, lets just hope I love it as much as I think I will.Our Pack n' Play arrived. The Pack n' Play which will be the boys sleeping place for the first few months. I can't wait to get it put together and put it in our room. Even more than that I can't wait to see both our healthy babies sleeping in it.
Financially I am terrified, I wonder if I will even have a job to go back to, and I wonder how we will deal with this new cut that Gabe just got at work. I wonder how we will pay for health insurance for the boys, and how we will come up with the $1,500 deductible when they are born. I wonder where in the world the money will come from to pay for daycare, or who will be watching the boys for that matter. I am a numbers and a planner girl, it is what I do for a living so this scares me. I try not to think about it and just take each day as it comes, but well.. that wouldn't be me if I didn't plan. It scares me to not have financial stability, it scares me that I can't predict our expenses or my income.
On another note, Gabe and I are both really tired of the "your life is over stories." We know our life isn't over, and it is pretty sad when no one has good stories to tell us. All they want to tell me about is how hard breastfeeding is, how I will get no sleep, poop stories, and how much the boys will cost us in diapers. Okay people we got that, now can you please tell us about your babies first smile and how it melted your heart, and tell us about how awesome it is to see the bond between your twins? The guys at work have been giving Gabe a pretty hard time, telling him he will never go golfing or sleep again. We know that isn't true, but we also know it isn't going to be easy on either of us. We know things are going to be rough, and we are up for the challenge. We were feeling better last night, because we realized that the bad days would pass, and the good days will out weigh the bad, and that no matter what we have each other and that our dreams are coming true.
No amount of crying or sleepless nights can over come the joy we will get when our boys reach for us to be held, the joy on Gabe's face when he first lays eyes on the boys, the tears of joy my Mom will cry when she holds her Grandson's, the day we bring two healthy babies home from the hospital and get to go on the web cam and show my Mother-in-law her twin Grandsons, and our Niece and Nephew their new cousins. The day they call us Mama and Dada, the day they smile, the day they laugh, holidays, I could go on and on and on... the point is that yea, I probably won't sleep much and I am sure I will break down in tears numerous times from being overwhelmed, but it is all so worth it. This bedrest is so worth it, the IVFs were so worth it. We are going to be parents! No one ever said being parents was easy, but they do say it is rewarding.