I feel afraid. It feels similar to the spot where I have been stuck between embryo transfer and the pregnancy test. The spot where you want to be hopeful, you have every reason to be hopeful, but large parts of you won't allow yourself to think too far ahead because nothing is set in stone and you are trying to prepare yourself for heartache. Yup, I am feeling that feeling again right along with Kami.
We got good news yesterday so I should be happy right? I am happy, but I am scared. I allowed myself to ever so slightly google cerclage and twins... I didn't read far and in fact most of what I read was good positive stories. I swear I only read a few and then reminded myself that it was a very bad idea.
I am now afraid to prepare for the boys. I want SO bad to prepare, but I can't. The crib mattresses came yesterday (thanks to my MIL) and Gabe put together the other crib and all I felt was afraid. I hate this. I feel like huge parts of my joyous pregnancy has been ripped from me. And while I feel that my boys are strong and that "we got this" I just must protect myself and everyone else. What can I do to make this feeling go away? Why do I do this? Make it go away! I want to smile all day long everyday again.
Oh and BTW, HUGE THANKS for the ad clicks!!!! We made three bucks just yesterday alone!!! Yahooo!!!
2 days ago