I Guess I Do Know My Body

So I went to L&D, and felt silly, but something just seemed off. They hooked me up to a monitor for two hours and hooked the boys up to fetal monitors. The small amount of tightening I was feeling did NOT register as contractions. My OB was on call at the hospital, he thinks that is braxton hicks or the boys moving. As for the achenes and just not feeling right, turns out I have a pretty bad urinary tract infection. I guess I do know my body! I don't know what my body is telling me, but I know when it is "off."

The cervix was still long and closed. I asked the OB how far I would have to make it to delivery here in town. He told me 28 weeks and gave me a 99% chance of making it there and farther. That put a huge smile on my face, he told me I am doing just fine and my cervix was great today. I am NOT in pre-term labor, I have a UTI. I am now popping antibiotics and chugging cranberry juice. Oh and he put me on progesterone supplements which have been shown to keep the uterus calm and keep labor away.

SO GLAD I WENT!!!!

I Called the On Call Doctor

Yup, I broke down and did it. In the beginning of my pregnancy (when I had some bleeding issues) I called a couple of times, but since then I have been pretty good about not bugging. Well finally yesterday I decided to do it. I think I just needed someone to tell me it was okay.

I had been having some different pains/aches, and cramping/tightening. To the point where I was afraid maybe they were contractions. And YES maybe googling pre-term labor symptoms, might now be making me feel things I don't really feel (damn Internet might be making me a hypochondriac.) I think the biggest part of the problem is that I don't know what a contraction feels like and I am not 100% sure what to watch for. The Peri says I am watching for a large fluid gush or bleeding, well what the heck.... shouldn't I be watching for things before that happens? Some people say that with contractions, "I will just know" and that it hurts like hell, while some of the books say otherwise. Some even say it is just a crampy feeling and mild abdominal cramping. I am so confused. What the heck does it feel like?

I can say calling helped a little, but not 100%. He told me that he suspected that it was just the boys making more muscles stretch (because holy moly they are growing fast these days) and that maybe they had positioned themselves in a spot which makes me more uncomfortable. He also offered for me to come into L&D to be monitored, but told me he was pretty sure I was fine. He told me that at any point I could go into L&D and be checked out (good to know.)

So, I didn't go... when I drink LOTS of water it feels better. So I have been loading up on the water (and might as well just stay in the bathroom) and the OB and I agreed that we would go over all kinds of stuff and have a thorough exam on Tuesday at my appointment. He even said that we could look into a contraction monitor at home. But believe me, now that the L&D option is open I am sure I will be going in at some point. These boys mean everything to me and I am not just going to ignore the little stuff, which could potentially be big stuff.

17 more days until viablity for my beautiful pumpkin boys.

Me Lucky?

I never thought of myself as lucky... I have had a string of bad luck on this fertility road, but maybe now I am lucky, or at least that is what I have been told.

I joined a thread on FF for women with cerclages. Many of them lost their first baby to an incompetent cervix and are now pregnant again. They seem to think that I am lucky to have caught the cervix issues early and had a cerclage placed. They also think I have a great shot of holding onto these boys for quite some time if I am monitored closely. Seeing posts like that makes me smile. I need to hear that hope! Maybe I am lucky... I am married the man of my dreams, we finally got pregnant, we froze 5 beautiful embryos, it's twins, and we caught a bad thing just in time. Hummm... maybe I should buy a lottery ticket?

19 more days until 24w viability!

Oh, hubby has been doing the googling for me.... random announcement last night "babies born at 26 weeks have a 95% chance of survival."

Not Sure How, but I Like it

Okay... what the heck? The days isn't even over and we are at almost $20 today for the ads. At this rate, who needs to work? Hehehee... not sure who or how many of you are doing this, but I like it!!!!

Afraid

I feel afraid. It feels similar to the spot where I have been stuck between embryo transfer and the pregnancy test. The spot where you want to be hopeful, you have every reason to be hopeful, but large parts of you won't allow yourself to think too far ahead because nothing is set in stone and you are trying to prepare yourself for heartache. Yup, I am feeling that feeling again right along with Kami.

We got good news yesterday so I should be happy right? I am happy, but I am scared. I allowed myself to ever so slightly google cerclage and twins... I didn't read far and in fact most of what I read was good positive stories. I swear I only read a few and then reminded myself that it was a very bad idea.

I am now afraid to prepare for the boys. I want SO bad to prepare, but I can't. The crib mattresses came yesterday (thanks to my MIL) and Gabe put together the other crib and all I felt was afraid. I hate this. I feel like huge parts of my joyous pregnancy has been ripped from me. And while I feel that my boys are strong and that "we got this" I just must protect myself and everyone else. What can I do to make this feeling go away? Why do I do this? Make it go away! I want to smile all day long everyday again.

Oh and BTW, HUGE THANKS for the ad clicks!!!! We made three bucks just yesterday alone!!! Yahooo!!!

21 Weeks and an Update

We had our check up today and things couldn't have gone better. The boys were great. Baby A hb 142 and Baby B hb 153. The boys were moving all around, but were a little camera shy. The cerclage is working just as it should. We went from a .50 during surgery to a 3.25 today (remember we just need to be over a 2). Yahhhhoooo!!! Thank you lord. I am still off work, but I am now allowed a bit of activity. I will be getting checked weekly from now on. Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers. Feels so good to be able to smile again, this has been a rough week.

Boys Make Good Company

I had some good company today and they were all boys! My boys in my belly have been making their presents known. After I eat something they go wild and crazy. I have even been able to feel them to the touch, but no one else has yet. Seems no one is around when I feel them.

My other boys with the four legs have also been good company today. Memphis is really starting to shape up and enjoys being able to go outside for long periods of time now that the weather is nice, thank goodness since walks are out of the question.

Gabe was home for about 5 minutes today, that was good company, but it didn't last long. He went to the grocery store for me and then to band practice. I had ordered the groceries online, but they called to say that they were having computer problems. Wonderful timing. Not sure if I will try that again.

The house has been bothering me today, I look around and see so much I want to do. I know I can't, and I won't, but it truly is bothering me, and I hate asking Gabe for knit picky things. I am not one for clutter or stuff laying around. It makes it VERY hard to relax. Gabe has enough on his plate, he doesn't have time for the little stuff. Keeping up with the laundry, dishes, and animals is enough.

Tomorrow is 21 weeks, which means three more weeks into viability. 21 more days, hang on boys! Tomorrow is also our next peri appt. and I pray we get some good news. Please lord bless us with some good news. I don't even care if I remain on high level bedrest, just please please some uplifting news.

Wow, the whole time I am typing this the boys are going crazy, amazing how much more I can feel them today vs. yesterday. They must have gone through a growth spurt. This is enough movement to keep me up all night, and honestly I might sort of like that, it is an amazing feeling.

What about Aaden? Sometimes I look at it and it looks misspelled and then other times I look at it and I love it. Elianna suggested a middle name and it may very well stick... Aaden Parker.

*Oh and sorry... I have added some ads to the bottom of my posts, it used to only be on the side bar, but being out of work much earlier than anticipanted and the fact that I may not be getting my first disability check for four weeks, I decided to add them in more places. A couple dollars, is a couple dollars, sorry.

We Got This..

Yesterday turned out to be great! My DH bought me this zero-gravity lounge chair:

So we headed over to my BFF's house for a BBQ in her backyard where I layed in my chair in the sunshine. I have to give a HUGE thank you to Susie for hosting the party. It was fantastic! BBQ chicken, potato salad, macaroni salad, green salad, fruit salad (YUM, the boys wanted seconds of that), shrimp tacos, and chocolate raspberry cake (just for me).

I really needed to socialize and even putting makeup and real clothes on helped so much. The food, hubby's band, the company, and the gifts were great. I have to say one of the best gifts was from my friend Heather:
The best moment of the night happened on a trip to the bathroom. My DH pulled me aside in the bathroom and said "Babe...we got this!" Tears started flowing and I trusted him, I believe he is right. We do have this! He proceeded to tell me that our boys are strong and we are all going to be just fine and that I was his life. I couldn't stop crying as he told me this. He then went on to tell me how excited he was it was two boys, with talk of catch, baseball, and fishing. That moment was just amazing and I believe my husband. Our boys may very well come a little early, but they are going to be okay. We got this! We really do! I will know more Wednesday.

Birthday

Today is my birthday and while I must say that my emotional state is far better than last year (just 19 days after my miscarriage), it isn't what I had anticipated for today. This year I am so thankful to be pregnant and for our miracle boys, however I am finding myself depressed and scared. It is amazing how fast your life can change and once again I feel like I am on a roller coaster. All I can do is countdown the days and look at each day as one step towards the health of the boys.

I woke up this morning and immediately checked for both heart beats with the doppler. For some reason I really needed that reassurance this morning. The pumpkin miracles are doing just fine and for that I am blessed and will truly enjoy today. I have my wish from last year, now my wish for today is to hold onto these miracles long enough for them to make it into this world healthy.

Pictures, Pictures, Pictures

Baby A is still a Boy
Baby A is our little thumb sucker

Baby A greeted us with a little wave hello. It was the first thing we saw when the machine was turned on.

Baby A

SURPRISE! Baby B is a boy too.

Our Little B

B's Foot

Our little A

Precious B our little wiggle worm

B's Toes

Bedding For the Boys?

Can you tell I am bored and trying to avoid FF and googling cerclage?

We still like the monkey/jungle theme, but I wanted to find something not as gender neutral. What do you think? Remember the room color is that pale green color and the cribs are light wood. Open to any thoughts.

I have been looking for western/cowboy, but can't seem to find any with that pale green color in it and I really don't want to paint nor can I paint. Just last weekend we did touch up in the room, I really can't see painting it again, so the green is staying.

Tired of This Sofa Already

I am not one for laying low or being lazy, this is very hard for me. I look around the house at things that could be done and then think of places I could go. I never thought I would say this, but I WANT to go to work. I want to be around people and I want to leave this house.

I know I am doing what I have to do and I know that I am doing what is best for the boys, but it is hard. It is hard to just lay here and think about what is going on. I am scared, scared for my boys lives. My boys which we have worked so hard for, my boys who mean so very much to me, my boys which we love so much already.

I want so bad to wake up and have my happy pregnancy back. I want to get dressed in my maternity clothes and glow. I want to go shopping and have strangers admire my belly. I want to buy things for my boys. I want to take a baby moon to a beach. I want to take maternity photos.

My boys have no matching clothes and I can't shop nor do I feel comfortable doing it. All we are doing is buying time before they come. I pray constantly for them to stay put for at least 10 more weeks.

I feel like wonderful pieces of my precious pregnancy have been taken away. The pregnancy we worked so hard for is now not the same. I am nervous to shop for the boys, nervous to think of names, nervous to think of decorating the room, nervous to put the other crib together, and nervous to picture them here.

We were again dealt some crappy cards, and it isn't fair. I don't want to be in constant fear for the boys life. I don't want to analyze every twinge I feel. I don't want to be considered high risk. I just want my boys to be safe and I want to enjoy this pregnancy.

Shocked... Prayers Needed!

I am not quite sure where to begin, but lets just say a lot has changed and the pumpkins and I need your prayers. The ultrasound was amazing! The pumpkins are perfect, beautiful and the loves of my life. I couldn't believe how well everything was going and what amazing pictures we were getting. That hour and a half led to two large shocks.

Shock #1: We are having TWO BOYS! No doubt about it, baby B is a BOY 100% boy!

Shock #2: Came at the very end of my appointment when my cervix length was checked. We look for around a two or greater. A month ago it was at a 3.9. Yesterday it was a .59. My heart sank, my dreams flashed before my eyes and the tears started to flow. I knew from that moment that my pregnancy was high risk and things were not good. The doctor is a specialist and is very experienced. We were sent straight to Labor and Delivery where I was monitored for contractions, thanks goodness I was having none. It is believed to be an incompetent cervix, which I hear is quite common in a multiple pregnancy. I was taken to surgery where a cerclage (cervix was sewn shut) was placed and we now pray for time. Time for those babies to stay put and the cervix to stay closed. It seems we caught it just in time as by the time I went in for surgery it was .50.

The surgery was longer than expected and scared the heck out of Gabe. I am not sure what I feel anymore. I went from feeling confident that we will have babies to a place where the black cloud sits above my head. We strive for six more weeks, but would love to get 1o more. Please please pray that the cervix stays closed and this cerclage does the trick.

I am now off work, that was a shock in itself. I thought at first it was temporary, but nope... she says the pregnancy and keeping these babies safe is top priority and she is RIGHT. I am disappointed and scared. I blame myself and fear for my babies lives. I can't imagine losing them, so I won't! I HAVE TO STAY HOPEFUL and pray that this cerclage works its magic. I need your girls now more than ever.

I have lots of time on my hands now so I may recap in detail and I do plan to post some of our amazing pictures.

Baby B who we believe may be called Aiden or Aydan... or Aidan ... hummm... help me out on that spelling, is our little trouble maker. He is the wiggler, the sports package hider, and the baby we caught kicking his little brother in the head.

Baby A is weighing in at 11 oz. and baby B is 12 oz. I was in awe of them, I will do what ever I need to do to keep them safe for as long as possible. It seems I now have some items to return and some baby registers to re-do. Something to keep me busy.

I am sure I will be posting again soon, don't have much else to do.

Happy Birthday to my MIL who is sleeping in the next room. She is here from Arizona and stayed with us all last night in the hospital. We had big plans to take her to Benihana for her Birthday to celebrate after our appointment. Rain check! Love you Mima, and the boys thank you for helping their Mama.

Happy Birthday Mama/Mima!

20 Weeks!!!!

Your baby weighs about 10 1/2 ounces now. He's also around 6 1/2 inches long from head to bottom and about 10 inches from head to heel — the length of a banana. (The way your baby is measured changes now.) He's swallowing more these days, which is good practice for his digestive system. He's also producing meconium, a black, sticky by-product of digestion. This gooey substance will accumulate in his bowels, and you'll see it in his first soiled diaper (although some babies pass meconium in the womb or during delivery). http://www.babycenter.com/

Baby's digestive system is busy creating meconium (a tarry black substance made of swallowed amniotic fluid, digestive secretion and dead cells), which will fill the first diaper after birth. And, speaking of the diaper situation... baby's genitals are now fully formed! http://www.thebump.com/

A Fantastic Sunday

Our Sunday started out with a trip up to the home of the triplets, oh and the triplets Big Brother and their Mommy and Daddy. There we picked up our new cribs! After then we went to Babies "R" Us where we registered. We are now fully Registered their as well as Target and Amazon. When we got home we went to a Pool Party at Susie's for Patty's B-day. Happy Birthday Patty!

Patty

Susie

NOT a good picture of me, but at least you can see my new maternity bathing suit from Target

Lisa & Susie

Future Grandma's of Twins

Mima putting together the bassinet she gave us which was used for her God-Daughter and our Nephew, which will now be used for Addy & Noah

The proud Daddy putting together his Baby's crib

Yes, it may seem a little early, but you have to remember that I am a planner AND ya never know when/if I might be on bedrest, which I pray that I am not.

I love them, honestly I think I would have picked something similar if we would have registered for them. Thank you so so so so much Beanie for the cribs. You are the best!

Just a couple days shy of 20 weeks!

My Mother-in-law bought me this dress for my Birthday, but gave it to me early. My birthday is on Sunday. Cute dress huh?

Well of course I had to buy something...

I got this hat in light pink and light blue in 0-3 months for both Noah & Addyson
This hat for Addy in 6-9 months for Summertime

A travel wipe case

This bib for our little Cowboy Noah

Addicted

Safe to say that I am now addicted to etsy.com!

Type in the word baby and away I go. Bad, really bad. At one point my cart was well over $200. I have yet to actual purchase anything, but I am completely addicted. Some of the stuff on that site just melts my heart. My favs are the bows and the hats. The pumpkin hats in particular and don't even get me started on the blankets.

19 Weeks

Vernix caseosa, a greasy white substance made of lanugo, oil and dead skin cells (yum) now coats baby's skin, shielding it from the amniotic fluid. (Picture yourself after a nine-month bath, and the need for protection makes sense.) You might actually get to see the vernix at birth, especially if baby is premature. http://www.thebump.com/

Your baby's sensory development is exploding! Her brain is designating specialized areas for smell, taste, hearing, vision, and touch. Some research suggests that she may be able to hear your voice now, so don't be shy about reading aloud, talking to her, or singing a happy tune if the mood strikes you.Your baby weighs about 8 1/2 ounces and measures 6 inches, head to bottom — about the size of a large heirloom tomato. Her arms and legs are in the right proportions to each other and the rest of her body now. Her kidneys continue to make urine and the hair on her scalp is sprouting. A waxy protective coating called the vernix caseosa is forming on her skin to prevent it from pickling in the amniotic fluid. http://www.babycenter.com/

The Pumpkins Have Names!

Baby Boy = Noah
Baby Girl = Addyson "Addy"

Mother's Day

I used to dread Mother's Day. It was a day that I thought I might never be honored and it scared and depressed me to the core. Some years it ranked right up there with Christmas. Today I am baffled to hear "Happy Mother's Day" being said to me.

This week I received three Mother's Day greeting cards in the mail along with an e-card. All for me, the woman who only dreamed this day would come.

My Dad was very cute, he has invited me over to his house to cook breakfast for me. So, that comes this morning and then later we will go to my Grammy's for a BBQ. I know Gabe has something for me, I am excited to see what it is. Wake up... wake up!

Yesterday was a good day. We awoke and busted butt cleaning the yard and then honey and my Step-Dad busted more butt and finished expanding our back yard fence. We had this wasted side yard space, so we decided to fence it in as part of the back yard for two reasons. #1, the baby's room window is now fenced in, and #2 this new said yard will be a dog run for the maniac's.

While the boys finished that, Mom My and I headed off to this store I had been hearing about a couple of towns over. It is called The Sandbox, and I am IN LOVE. It is a children's consignment shop. Right up my alley, I love designer clothes, but with the two and our tight budget ever Target clothes are a little much for us to afford. I snagged some fantastic deals. I love finding the Gap and Old Navy jeans and overalls and that I did for $3 and $4 each. I was also able to find a Janie & Jack romper for baby girl, a brown gymboree sweater and hat with a tractor on it, a Mulberrybush outfit for baby boy, a camo Cabela's romper with the tags still on it, a precious pink boppy cover for the boppy I scored at a yard sale, along with a lot more. The large bag was full and still only $63, which of course my Mom helped pay for. I can't wait to go back, because obviously new items arrive daily, the better part is that someday after the babes wear them, I can bring those clothes back and consign them. I have my eye on some Robeez which of course are normally $25 -30, she is asking $10 for them. So next time! And there will be a next time because this store just happens to be in the same town as my acupuncture. See, I guess that is a great reason to go to acupuncture.

After shopping... WE REGISTERED! Which again is something I have only dreamed of. Our baby shower invites have been printed and by the way are too stinkin' cute, so we thought it best to register at at least one of the places we plan to register. I will try to post the proof of the invite, however there is some personal info (like where the shower is) this really isn't a good idea to share with the whole blogosphere, so let me see if I can black that out. If not, I can post the link to the sample. Gabe and I both had so much fun scanning items for our little pumpkins. We didn't find any of the big ticket items we liked at this store, in fact the store didn't even have a ny double strollers, but are hoping to find more of what we need at the next store. Of course me being the planner I have research the strollers and car seats obsessively, so I know what I want! But might I say the selection of double strollers is not all that great. Each stroller has some sort of downfall, so you have to decide which downfall you can live with. I will share more another day on what we decided for strollers and car seats.

I want to take a minute and send a Happy Mother's Day out to the Mama's, I also want to send a very large hug out the Mama's whom are still waiting or who have lost their little ones. I know that a hug can't take away your pain, and I wish it could. I will be thinking of you today. Again, I feel guilty.

Halfway

I am now halfway through my pregnancy! Wow, so weird. Today is 1/2 way to 37 weeks.

I feel guilty. I wish I could take away some of the pain from you girls that are still struggling. I feel for each of you everyday. I know the heartache and I want to take it away from you. I feel guilty being so blessed while you are still struggling. Never give up! Please know that your turn is coming and that I am proof that good things come to those who wait. I love you girls!

The Recycle Bin

This is what happens when you leave Memphis alone while in the shower.

He gets into the recycle bin!And this is what happens when the Mama can no longer handle Memphis first thing in the morning.

I'm sorry Mama!

Bedding?

http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3155401

What are your thoughts?

Gabe's thoughts " I love it, but is that really how much crib bedding costs? Do we need to buy two?"

I Feel Better

Dear Mom & Dad,

I feel so much better! Thank you for taking me to the vet and taking another chance on me. I am sorry that I got sick again; I just have these anxiety issues. I promise no more!

Thank you for giving me my medicine everyday, cleaning up my messes, hooking me up to the IV and force feeding me even when I was being a brat.

You are the best Mom and Dad ever and I am sorry you had to spend money and tears on me, I will make it up to you in kisses and loves.

Love,
Ozzy

18 Weeks

Your fetus has become amazingly mobile (at least compared to you), passing the hours yawning, hiccuping, rolling, twisting, kicking, punching, sucking and swallowing. And, baby's finally big enough that you'll be able to feel those movements soon. http://www.thebump.com/
Head to rump, your baby is about 5 1/2 inches long (about the length of a bell pepper) and he weighs almost 7 ounces. He's busy flexing his arms and legs — movements that you'll start noticing more and more in the weeks ahead. His blood vessels are visible through his thin skin, and his ears are now in their final position, although they're still standing out from his head a bit. A protective covering of myelin is beginning to form around his nerves, a process that will continue for a year after he's born. If you're having a girl, her uterus and fallopian tubes are formed and in place. If you're having a boy, his genitals are noticeable now, but he may hide them from you during an ultrasound. http://www.babycenter.com/

How far along? 18 Weeks

Total weight gain/loss: 14 pounds (uh oh!)

Maternity clothes? Of course and starting to out grow some of them

Stretch marks? Nope

Sleep: Just okay, starting to get uncomfortable and for some reason I cannot sleep past 6 a.m.

Best moment this week: Seeing the babies on u/s and finding out the genders

Movement: Yes, yes, yes and it is amazing. Can't wait until Gabe can feel it too.

Food cravings: Pickles, olives, KFC mashed potatoes, and chicken nuggets (wondering why the babies don't like healthy things)

Gender: Blessed! A boy and a girl!

Labor Signs: None

Belly Button in or out? Innie

What I miss: Deli sammies, sushi, and my body

What I am looking forward to: Registering for baby gifts!

Wisdom: Never take a moment of this miracle for granted

Milestones: 18 weeks and gender scan

And They Are...........

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Baby A - 100% BOY!

Baby B - 95% GIRL!

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Our Beautiful Baby Boy!

Our Sweet Baby Girl!

So in love, so very in love.  I was just sitting in their room scanning these pictures in awe and just couldn't stop giggling.  I went out to Gabe and handed the pictures to him and he too started to giggle.  Seems so very real now.  Did I mention I was in love? May 5th this year was much better than last.  Thank you Lord, thank you for blessing us with these two little miracles.