Our Hand

So here I sit wide awake. I am not too much for sleeping anymore. I think my thoughts are even starting to interrupt my dreams (if that is even possible.)

This morning I read a post from Tammy. Tammy is depressed and doesn't understand how her life got like this. She also wonders why God would want her to be this unhappy?

What did we do to deserve this? I ask myself this every morning as I struggle to get out of bed. I will never know what we did to deserve this. All we can do is manage, make this best of it, and work with what we got.

We are going to try again, I know... it may seem crazy financially, but we have to. We have no CLEAR reason that it won't work, so for now we WILL try again and yes it won't be easy, but these are the cards we were dealt and all we can do is play them even if they are crappy. We just hope we can catch a card which will make us the winner. Imagine if we folded and our flop would have given us a Straight Flush, we just can't fold because we never know what could come up and lead us to victory.

However, a re-deal might be nice.


Polly Gamwich said...

Oh Tiffany, I'm so sorry, this is so painful and so difficult and I know what it's like to ask God why? I'm sorry #2 didn't work.

But know that God is not a God of punishment - this is not because of something you did or didn't do.

I know it's impossible to feel this but God loves you in this circumstance - even when it feels like nothing could be further from the truth.

Big hugs to you sweety, my heart breaks with yours,

Anonymous said...

Do you remeber Baby Girl when you first started out on this journey you were a bit worried about the cost of day care for your future children??? Go forward you two with this, don't worry about the financial part of it . For between me and your Mom you will forever have free daycare. I love you and my son sooooo much and I will be there every step of the way with you.... whatever you two decide to do. Love you more.....Mama

Hoping for our own Peanut said...

i admire your..how do i say..determination to become a mama!!
are you starting right away?

ill be hoping your 3rd time is the lucky one!

twondra said...

I'm glad I could help you sweetie. :) And I'm glad you posted this comment on your blog....very powerful.

Erin said...

Here beside you, Tiffany.


battynurse said...

I so hear you. As much as continuing to play seems crazy so does giving up. Hi from Fresno and good luck with whatever is next.
PS I love the anonymous comment!

Emily said...

I understand the need to try again, I am right there with you.

Sending you big hugs and wishes for a 'victorious' 2009.

Here via Creme...

Lisa said...

Here from the Creme.

I understand completely! That is what keeps me going (likely onto IVF #8) - the thought that the Ace of Hearts, the card needed to complete my Royal Flush, just may be the next card dealt.

I've said that this would probably be easier if something would happen that would make it impossible for me to conceive. I would mourn, but, then I could move on without the "what if" hanging over me.

Good luck to you!

Cassandra said...

It's funny, I always think of the key to gambling as knowing when to stop -- either stopping while you're ahead or before you lose too much. But I'm 100% with you on continuing to play when it comes to IF. With gambling, you can always try again tomorrow or next week or next year. With IF, once we stop some of us may never manage to sit down at the table again.

Here's hoping that IVF #3 is the one for you! Best wishes.

JamieD said...

I am so sorry IVF #2 didn't work and so sorry you have to go through this. You are so absolutely right - it is like a gamble but the prize is so precious. How can you fold?

A n T said...

Hey Tiffany: Here from the Creme! I didn't know you were on here! We were in a BG together on FF. I understand about not wanting to give up! The quote on my blog says "Every time I try to give up, hope whispers one more time!" And that is so true, because we keep facing these what if moments....what if we did it one more time and it worked!

JuliaS said...

You sound like me - many years ago - when people asked me why I just didn't give up, spare myself the pain. Yeah, stopping would spare me some pain, some money - but I wouldn't have known some of my biggest joys. Even the chance, the hope of the chance sometimes was worth way more than the risk.

Good wishes to you.

Creme de la creme 2008