Anyway

You could chase a dream
That seems so out of reach
And you know it might not ever come your way
Dream it anyway

God is great but sometimes life ain't good
And when I pray
It doesn't always turn out like i think it should
But I do it anyway
I do it anyway

This worlds gone crazy
And it's hard to believe
That tomorrow will be better than today
Believe it anyway

~ Martina McBride

Tomorrow has just got to be better than today, just got to. Sometimes things just have a way of hitting you like a ton of bricks when you least expect it. Just when I thought I was doing better, I was faced with a different set of feelings.

Things will be better, I have who I need by my side and I am not going to let the fear of the uncertain and the old me get in the way. Someday it will be our turn. For now, we take it as it comes and make the best of it and celebrate what we do have. I have to realize that I don't have to be a Mother to be whole and worthy. I am whole and I am doing my best, I am no less of a woman, wife, daughter, or friend. We are a family, in our own way even if it is just the two of us and not exactly what we planned. We were dealt this hand and instead of feeling sorry for myself, I will just play it. Even if I lose my ass, I am still a winner because I gave it my all.

On a positive note we will be moving forward. The final bill rolled in today and we were slightly surprised. Don't get me wrong it wasn't cheap, and it stings to pay for something that didn't work, but it was not $8,ooo like we thought it might be and we can pay it without using credit cards. So, we plan to move on and even have a VERY promising new protocol from the RE. Thanks to some wonderful Internet friends (again) whom are donating their meds to us we may be starting up again as soon as December. For now I try to stay busy, breathe and heal and work on feeling whole.