2.02.2009

Hard to Fit In

Where do I belong? I am having a hard time fitting in on the pregnancy side of the message boards. I still find myself oddly jealous of the women that are pregnant. I am also not allowing myself to believe that I belong on that side, I keep finding myself drifting over to the IF side of the boards. I feel as if I can't comment in on symptoms and yada yada because mine just isn't as real as theirs and what if I don't remain on that side of the board?

I am having a VERY hard time thinking any further than tomorrow with this pregnancy. I feel as if thinking too far ahead might be jinxing something. Last night a new pregnancy on DH's side of the family was announced, and I found myself with my same old feelings of jealousy and envy. WTF? Why is it so hard for me to enjoy this?

So, I have been asked numerous times how I am feeling, and my response is "nervous." What is that? How about tired, excited, blessed, thrilled that we reached a point we have been striving to meet... but yet I can't. What am I so afraid of? What am I trying to prepare people and myself for? Why am I such a pessimist? Why can't I just let myself relax and enjoy? And maybe for at least one hour I could stop running to the bathroom to check out what's going on.

LP we love you SOOOOOOOOOOOO much. Please please please continue to grow and stay stuck for Mommy and Daddy. We are awaiting your photo debut in just 9 short days.

Off to bed at 7 p.m., the bed time just keeps getting earlier and earlier.

5 comments:

Mimi said...

Honey, I am so excited for you! Of course you are nervous. I am praying for your little peep. I can't wait for your ultrasound!

Kami

Katie said...

I completely understand how you feel, its hard to be excited when you find out this news so early on...What I remind myself about is that I am pregnant and I was able to get pregnant, and I am blessed to have a wonderful family to support me through my crazy emotional mood swings and worries, hang in there, your U/S will be here before you know it!

twondra said...

After all you've been through, it's completely natural to be nervous and feel that way. Thinking of you!!

christine enderle said...

I think it's totally normal to feel that way and I can totally relate. In fact when people tell me they are preggers and it's early on, I get really scared. But it sounds like your #s are so good and I have great faith that this is all going to work out for you two! I'm sending positive energy your way!

FeyIndigoWolf said...

I don't blame you for being so nervous. After all we go through. I'm sure that when I finally get pg, I won't be able to enjoy it for the first 3 months because I'll be so nervous myself. Just take it one day at a time. That's all that can be expected of you.