Where do I belong? I am having a hard time fitting in on the pregnancy side of the message boards. I still find myself oddly jealous of the women that are pregnant. I am also not allowing myself to believe that I belong on that side, I keep finding myself drifting over to the IF side of the boards. I feel as if I can't comment in on symptoms and yada yada because mine just isn't as real as theirs and what if I don't remain on that side of the board?
I am having a VERY hard time thinking any further than tomorrow with this pregnancy. I feel as if thinking too far ahead might be jinxing something. Last night a new pregnancy on DH's side of the family was announced, and I found myself with my same old feelings of jealousy and envy. WTF? Why is it so hard for me to enjoy this?
So, I have been asked numerous times how I am feeling, and my response is "nervous." What is that? How about tired, excited, blessed, thrilled that we reached a point we have been striving to meet... but yet I can't. What am I so afraid of? What am I trying to prepare people and myself for? Why am I such a pessimist? Why can't I just let myself relax and enjoy? And maybe for at least one hour I could stop running to the bathroom to check out what's going on.
LP we love you SOOOOOOOOOOOO much. Please please please continue to grow and stay stuck for Mommy and Daddy. We are awaiting your photo debut in just 9 short days.
Off to bed at 7 p.m., the bed time just keeps getting earlier and earlier.
1 day ago