I hardly slept a wink last night (which is unusual for me lately.) My mind is going a mile a minute. I finally "believe" I am pregnant, but now I have a new concept to grasp. TWO babies! Holy moly.
I feel bad and maybe a little greedy? I feel for my fellow infertiles, I feel like I got more than I "needed". I know how bad it aches to want a baby and now here I am with two and I ache even more for them and wish I could take away their pain. I thank them from the bottom of my heart for still visiting my blog. I remember all too well how much it stings a little to visit a pregnant women's blogs even though they too struggled and gave me hope, there were still only "certain" days I could visit that blog. With IF comes a lot of envy and I understand that girls, each of you remains in my thoughts and prayers.
I have been asked for the details of yesterday, and honestly I wish I had more. The fact is I was in such shock that everything else sort of went out the window, I didn't ask everything I wanted to ask, and I didn't pay as close attention as I wish I had. I was horribly sick yesterday morning, I believe that some of that came from nerves, but I also feel that I wasn't as nervous as I thought I would be. The drive was quiet we were afraid to talk about things that would happen after the appointment because we were unsure of what our moods would be in just a couple hours. I am so used to disappointment that it is hard for me to believe that good things can happen for me (in regards to IF and babies).
The receptionist greeted us, and of course no need to ask names because this is my home away from home and hey she should know my name I practically paid her annual salary. As I approached the u/s machine my heart began to beat a little faster, I knew my fate relied in the hands of that machine. I noticed that the machine was set up differently (for an OB appointment) and this feeling of joy ran over me. I undressed and hopped up on the table and of course we had to do I normal stick.... "whopper with cheese." Okay I know it is stupid, but we have these rituals at each appointment the FIRST and IT IS A MUST.. is the Grammy Bus. See Stanford has these shuttle buses that go all around the campus and wouldn't you know it, each of them in huge letters is called MARGUERITE, well for those of you who don't know, my Grammy's name is Marguerite, so I HAVE to see a "Grammy Bus" before I go into an appointment. Yesterday no sooner did I say "I need a Grammy Bus (in a desperate voice)" it appeared, in fact I saw another one as we pulled into the parking lot, so we were covered on the Grammy Bus end. 2nd ritual is to say the Our Father and Hail Mary in the elevator... check. Lastly, is the "Whopper with cheese." Okay so let me explain, have you ever been to Burger King? Have you notice that they repeat your order in a microphone which sits near the register? Well at our very first appointment my dear husband coined the light that is attached near the stirrups "the Burger King microphone." To his defense, it does resemble it, it bends, and it's metal... so, at each appointment before the RE comes in, we bend the light, tap it, and say in a silly voice "whopper with cheese." This has happened even when I am alone, it is a ritual what can I say?
It was time, the RE entered with a smile. She asked how I was feeling and my famous word flew out... NERVOUS. She said that was normal and turned out the lights. I couldn't look at the screen, I watched her instead. Her first comment was "your ovaries are still a little large." Next came a smile, so I figured she saw the sac, but I still waited to turn my head. She then said "looks like you are going to be busy next year," with an even bigger smile on her face. "It's two!" At this point Gabe came closer and I turned my head to see for myself and there it was two perfect little sacs. I knew what I was looking for, I am a googleholic now and I already googled 6 week u/s on google images. So, I knew, but poor Gabe was lost so she showed him the blob in each sac. At this point I was overcome with this emotion I had never had. It was this belly laugh mixed with happy tears, and in a way it was bit embarrassing, because I couldn't stop. She found baby #1's heartbeat right away, and it was an amazing little flicker, my heart melted, but I was still laughing. Then she moved onto baby #2 and my giant belly laughs made it had for her to find the babies heartbeat. DH told me to think about something else. Humm, what in the heck else am I supposed to think about? Eventually she found it too and was very impressed with our little over achievers. She said to see a heartbeat that strong on BOTH babies at 6w1d was VERY good and the chance of miscarriage at this point was slim. We were told to come back in two weeks and to make an appointment with my OB as well for 3 -4 weeks from now. We asked about going to Tahoe this weekend and she as fine with it, just encouraged me not to ski, which of course I wasn't planning on. I am planning on relaxing and reading pregnancy books. OMG how long I have longed to read these books, they are probably outdated now. I bought them when we got pregnant in 2006. Can they expire? Hey, rules can change.
We got sent to the basement lab to check my thyroid levels and wouldn't ya know it NO CELL SERVICE. Wow, that was hard. We waited almost 30 minutes and I was on the edge of my seat wanting to spread the news to my friends and family. We called very close family and of course we had to joke a little. We said "we didn't see A heartbeat, but we saw TWO!" Reactions were screams of joy and shock. We were starving so we only made a few calls to parents and my Grammy. I sent a mass text with the same phrase and during my P.F. Chang's lettuce wraps got blown up with about 25 "OMG!!!!!!!!!!" It was amazing and surreal.
We stopped off at Babie's R Us, I remember eyeing this store not too far from the clinic over a year ago and told myself that someday we would be going there. The whole day was just a dream. I bought preggie pops (lifesaver for my yucky tummy) and also a pregnancy journal. Oh why yes of course we had to check out double strollers. Youch, expensive.
Today it is setting in a little more, I am getting excited, but yes NERVOUS. I wish I could lose that feeling.
We love you little Pumpkins, we were ecstatic to see your yesterday. Please continue to grow strong for your Mommy and Daddy, you are so VERY loved.
2 days ago