Back on Track

Ahhhh I am NOT broken. Yesterday's appointment went GREAT! We are back on track. I was right where I needed to be and blood work was perfect, so we were able to trigger ovulation last night.

Gabe gave me my shot which was different than last time. This medication was a powder which we had to mix with the dilutant and then injected. The injection site is much more tender than I remember from last time. Ahhh or maybe I am just being a big baby.

So, as long as the little embryo cooperates we are set for transfer Monday morning at 9:10. We are leaving for a relaxing weekend in Tahoe for our anniversary and will be crossing fingers and toes that the blastocyst thaws properly on Monday.

Seriously... NO... Seriously? What.. Seriously?

Seriously... is this my life? Is this really all happening? Do I have some sign over my head that states that things must go wrong for me? Am I cursed? Seriously, I think I am cursed!

Question of the day: "Why can't anything go right?" (Except for you Honey, you are right... you and I went right!)

So, Tuesday the 19th we had a CD 11 check. Remember we are looking for a 15mm to trigger. Left side showed ittie bitties, right side showed a 10 mm. Told we were fine the 10 mm should be ready to go by Friday (CD14). So, I go in alone today expecting to hear the good news. But OF COURSE NOT... why would something go as planned for me? The 10 mm on the right only grew to a 10.5 and I now we have a 7.5 on the left. What the heck is going on? Ummm... hello... each of these checks is costing us $350 not to mention the 1/2 a day off work, gas, toll for two bridges, and most importantly MY EMOTIONS and the feeling that time is ticking away! Christmas is inching closer and remember what I said about Christmas?

Since I was alone, I had a nice screaming match with myself in the car. It flipped from crying hysterically to screaming like a crazy woman "why me? What did I do wrong?" This lasted about 10 minutes, and I can only wonder what those in the cars next to me were thinking. But I needed it! I needed a good scream, a good cry, and a little pity party. I haven't really cried and screamed like that since the miscarriage back in May. Sometimes, it just helps! And today I think it has.

I was nervous what work might say when I told them that I would have yet another appointment Monday morning. All went fine (for now). I am almost completely out of sick and vacation time. So this week I am taking no pay for the time I missed. Ouch! Minus the emotion and feeling of udder failure, the only other problem is the money. So, I will say it again... IT IS ONLY MONEY, it IS NOT happiness. The money will come from some where and it will all work out. Someday it has just GOT TO be worth it.

Here is a thought from the boards I read about being in debt to start your family:
If one of your children got real sick and needed expensive medical treatment to survive you would stop at NO cost to save that child...right? So why would we stop at a price to bring a child into our lives? These are our dreams and our happiness, that is priceless.

On a happier note Miss Elianna will be celebrating a Birthday on Monday. Big smooches to her! We will be having a little B-Day BBQ on Saturday for her. On another uplifting note, it looks like our anniversary WILL be spent in Tahoe. We had at one point thought the transfer would fall around that time, but now with the delays it will in deed not and Gabe and I will get a much needed getaway alone. Happy Friday!

Officially The Last One

So, I am officially the last in my fertility friend buddy group to get knocked up.  Yup.  Congrats to Nathalie who found out today that IVF #3 took.  We started as a group of six, two got pregnant the first try.  Annie on her 2nd, and Lizzy whose IVF got cancelled and did IUI #7 which took.  I am SO SO SO happy for the girls, no one understand the miracle of pregnancy like an infertile woman.  Of course I am a little sad that I am still here on the other side.  They sent all their baby dust my way, so it has just gotta be my time soon.  I am in a FET Aug./Sept. group as well, so lets see how we do.

My Aunt Jane Knows More Than My RE

FET Take TWO!

I have started the clomid. No baseline ultrasound was needed, thank goodness. We are going to TRY to only have one or two ultrasounds since they are $350 each. I go in for the first one on the 19th. We are tentatively set for a transfer sometime during the week of the 25th if all goes well.

I have been worrying A LOT lately about the thaw. Having just the one scares the heck out of me. If only we have two or three I wouldn't be so worried, but see the thawing process is NOT flawless and the odds of the blast surviving the thaw is NOT 100%. So, we will give it a shot and pray for the best. I got to give it a try.

Embryo Thawing

Before FET can take place, your embryos must be thawed after the freezing process. When your reproductive endocrinologist decides it is time to begin the FET procedure, your embryos will be removed from the freezer and thawed.

The embryos are allowed to thaw naturally, until they come to room temperature.

The embryos are then steeped in four separate solutions to help remove any cryoprotectant used during the freezing process.

Your embryos are then warmed to body temperature (37°C) and mixed with a small amount of culture medium.

We have decided that we will FOR SURE jump directly into IVF#2 if need be with NO delay. The $ can no longer be the driving factor, we will worry about that later. We want nothing more than to be parents and as we have said before, we will stop at nothing and will sacrifice anything to make our dreams come true. While financial stability is HUGE to us, being parents means more, and as we have said before... money things have a way of working out. We will figure out how to make it work and where to cut back.

Our anniversary is the 28th and for now we are planning to go up to my bosses cabin in Tahoe. Regardless of what happens during that week, we will still go. It was either be a relaxing, movie watching, bed rest get away or a re-grouping, little bit of wine, moving forward get away. We will just have to play it by ear.

So, the ride has started again. I will stay as hopeful as I possibly can, without getting myself excited. I will keep you posted.

What the Gardener Knows

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4mSiSKSWMo

FINALLY... Some Good News!

Good news my MTHFR results came back ------ NORMAL!!!!!!!! *MTHFR is the inability to absorb folic acid and sometimes elevated homocysteine is a sign of this.*

on 7/11 my homocysteine was slightly elevated. Normal range is between 8 and 12. Mine was 11.6. The RE prescribed a supplement called Folgard which consists of Folic Acid, vitamin B-6, and B-12.

Results from 7/17 were a 10.4!!!!! Yahhhhoo!

I was told to stop the baby aspirin for now, but be sure to start up again on cycle day #1. I will remain on the Folgard indefinitely. Ouch $22 a month, maybe I can find it online for less.

Thank goodness all is well.

The Word of the Day is FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!

The cycle has been cancelled, just one word... FRUSTRATED!

I am fine, just FRUSTRATED! The follicle on the right and the left are both still at 10 mm. FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!! I did some blood work, and the doctor called back to tell me that my hormones are "wacky", my lining isn't thick enough and she feels it is best to just cancel so we can have the prime environment for the embryo. I completely agree, but FRUSTRATING! She believes it still has to do with the miscarriage, but now I am wondering if maybe this happens to my cycle more than I know. It could explain a bit of the problem.

Top three reasons I am FRUSTRATED:

(1) The study only pays for five ultrasounds, all of which have been used up. Cha-Ching! $$$
(2) I have missed 5 mornings of works and spent hundred's of dollars in gas. Cha-Ching! $$$
(3) My body sucks at obeying and my excitement for the month of July, just flew straight out the window!

So, RE wants the next cycle to be a clomid cycle frozen embryo transfer. In the past I responded pretty well to clomid. This should help the follicle or follicles (last time I took it, I got two) grow at a steady pace and help us better gage and hopefully ensure ovulation. She is hoping that we may be able to pinpoint ovulation in only one or two ultrasounds. If that is the case, we should only be out about $700. Cross your fingers for a good response and only ONE ultrasound.

What is clomid?

Clomiphene citrate (also known as Clomid or Serophene) is a medication that is commonly used in fertility treatment. Because it is relatively inexpensive and can be administered orally, clomiphene is generally one of the first medications prescribed for patients who do not ovulate regularly.

In women who do ovulate regularly, clomiphene may be used for "superovulation," where 2 or 3 eggs are produced. This increases the number of "targets" for the sperm, thereby increasing the chance of pregnancy.

Clomiphene is normally administered for five days during the follicular part of the cycle (the portion of the cycle following menstrual bleeding). Clomiphene is structurally similar to estrogen and acts on the estrogen receptor. First approved by the FDA in 1967, it has recently been reclassified as a selective-estrogen-receptor-modulator (SERM).

How does clomiphene work? The hormonal signals that cause the ovarian follicles to grow are released from the pituitary gland. These hormones are named Follicle Stimulating Hormone (FSH) and Leutinizing Hormone (LH) for their actions in the ovary. The pituitary receives its signals from the hypothalamus in the brain. Clomiphene blocks the estrogen receptor and "tricks" the brain into thinking there are low levels of estrogen. The pituitary responds by releasing more FSH and LH, thus stimulating follicular growth in the ovaries.

Results from the MTHFR are NOT back, I will post once they are and still praying for some good news. I got blood drawn from BOTH arms yesterday. Did I mention that I am FRUSTRATED? TGIF!!!!!

Things are JUST Okay

Went back for a check and things are not progressing as they should. The RE thinks it has to do with this being the first cycle since the miscarriage and things are just moving slow. Today was our 4th ultrasound and the study will only pay for a total of five ultrasounds. The RE thinks I should be ready for trigger by Thursday the 17th which will be our 5th ultrasound. Cross your fingers!

On another note, the tests did NOT come back all clear. I am not going to jump the gun, and I am going to be optimistic. My homocystiene test came back slightly elevated, but still in normal range. Elevated Homocysteine can cause blood clotting, which could be a reason for miscarriage. It is pretty easily fixed, the RE called in a prescription for folic acid and that along with prenatal vitamins normally does the trick. I am not super concerned about this, but she mentioned that sometimes this is a sign of another problem called MTHFR, which is more serious. MTHFR is the inability to absorb folic acid, which is OF COURSE needed for a healthy pregnancy.

So, I go back on Thursday for a repeat of the homocystiene and the MTHFR. I am scared, but have been reassured that we can overcome the MTHFR with lots of folic acid supplements and a shot of heprin (blood thinner) at the transfer and once a pregnancy is confirmed. So lets just pray that the MTHFR comes back negative and that the folic acid can do the trick for the elevated homocysteine.

Yet another hurdle! Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.

Appointment Update 7/9/08

So I had an appointment today at 9:20. We just did a quick follicle check and went over the kareyotype test and some tests from last year involving natural killer cells. Tests were fine, we ruled out any chromosome problems and natural killer cells.


The Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) gave me a lab slip to run 8 lab tests. These tests will rule out the LAST of potential reasons for miscarriage and a couple infertility tests. I am SO excited to have a doctor so knowledgeable. In the past I have felt like I knew more than my doctor did (because I had been dealing with an OBGYN who wasn't very experienced with infertility). It is so very refreshing to know that the RE has checked EVERYTHING. So lets keep our fingers crossed that the tests go well and that the two miscarriages were just a fluke.

The ultrasound went fine. We are looking for the dominant follicle, or the signs of natural ovulation. I am on no shots or fertility drugs at this time. Once the dominant follicle is close to being mature, I will get a shot of HCG (also called a trigger shot), which will help with final maturity and release of the egg. Once the shot is given the egg drops 36 hours later. Once given this shot, we are able to "try" on our own to fertilize this egg. Six days after ovulation (because the embryo is six days old) we will transfer back the thawed blastocyst. So potentially we have a shot at the "natural egg" and the blastocyst.

We need to have a uterine lining of at least 7.5 mm and one follicle at 16-18 mm to trigger ovulation. Today at CD 11 (cycle day) I had a lining of 6.4 mm , two follicles on the right side at about 6 mm and the possible dominant follicle on the left at 9.6 mm. So, we are not ready yet. It is only CD 11, and normal ovulation should occur on CD 14, but remember we need to catch it just before so we can trigger the ovulation with the shot. Then six days later we hope to be transferring our embryo.

We go back again Friday morning to get the lab work done and check the follicle(s) and lining again. I also have to use ovulation predictor kits at home just to be sure we don't miss it.

So, that was my day. All in all so far so good and right on track. I hope that wasn't too confusing.

As always thanks for your love, prayers, and support.

Love,

Tiff