2.10.2010

Guilty



Yup that's what I am feeling today. The boys came down with their first real sickness Saturday night and I have not left the house since Friday.

Why am I guilty? Because I put my boys first, I didn't think twice about not going to work on Tuesday until now (Monday and Wednesday were my days off.) Can I really do this, can I be good at both my jobs? Where do you draw the line between when and when not to put the kids first? Do I always put them first for every little cold, and school function? If so, how can I truly be viewed as a good employee?

I feel like a crappy employee today and I feel torn. I feel so guilty that I haven't been at work since Thursday (Friday was my day off, oh and BTW we went on a great walk with another Mom of 6 month old twin boys and had a great time.) I feel like I can't put forth the full effort as I once did, and that I can't pull my fair share only working three days a week. Was this the right choice for me?

Another huge problem is that my babysitter just took on a part time job and while I am super happy for her she can now only watch the boys Tuesdays and Thursdays. Before this I was able to cover when one of my co-workers wanted a day off and now it won't be as easy for me to do that for them. I can make it work, I will just have to call in lots of favors or drive them out of town to my Girlfriend's house. So, here I sit wondering how to be the best at both of my jobs. How to pull my full weight at both home and the office when I am only at each place half the time. How do you all do it? Or do you?

Today I pondered the thought of being a SAHM, I hate leaving my little boys while they don't feel good, thankfully my Mom is going to watch them tomorrow. While many parts of me would truly love to be able to stay home and relish in the dream that has come true for us, there is definitely something to be said for getting out of my comfy clothes (which have been covered in snot lately), feeling appreciated, accomplishing things, and having grown up conversation, not to mention that we could not afford for me to do that mostly because of health insurance reasons. But, even still part of me just wouldn't feel complete being a SAHM, and well another huge part of me wouldn't feel complete not being the best Mom I can be and being home with them at least a couple days a week. How do I balance it? How can I be a good Mom and a good employee?

7 comments:

Jenn said...

The keys to success for my family is:

Good, dependable, high quality daycare!

Taking turns with my husband. Even though I work part time, we value my job as much as we value his full time one. If I call out one day, then he calls out the next time. Our employers know this and it helps us not feel so quilty. When I call in, I'm able to say, "If they're sick tomorrow, my husband will stay home, so count on me coming in".

Hernandez Clan said...

I agree with your first comment on this post. GOOD Daycare. I FINALLY got Rian in a good daycare, an understanding one and a CLEAN one! I know its a bit more expensive than using family and friends but its dependable and they (if you find a REALLY good one) take EXCELLENT care of your kids when you aren't there.

As far as the line, and drawing it, as fine as it is. RC and I (when I had my MAJOR guilty moment as well) decided that its finally time for me to NOT be the only one that tends to the kids. At first it was hard for me cause I felt like I was being a bad wife by having RC take time off work but to be honest RC loves it. He has a good job that knows his kids come first so we ALSO do the trade off thing. Kids sick two or three days in a row we swap days. Makes it easier, makes both your jobs realize you are doing the best you can.

Working and being a mom is rough, but if you have it in you its very rewarding. I like you depend on it for health care and as much as i hate to admit it, I LOVE my job for the grown up interaction and success I ultimately feel.

Its a tough choice for everyone but finding that balance takes time. If I were you I would do whatever is best for you but if you and your hubby start to share duties you both feel needed and useful and neither of you feels guilty for NOT being around or pulling your weight, whether it be at home or at work.

I wish you luck lady! Lord knows I have been in your shoes.

Fullers1006 said...

I just wanted to tell you that I went through the same thing about the same exact time as you are. I wrote about it as well. It is hard it doesn't neccesarrily get easier but I personally came to and understanding. That honestly working the 3 days a week that I do does make me a better mom. I enjoy my son soooo much more when I am with him plus I bring a little to the table. It also helps me focus when I'm at work cause I do have only a couple days a week to get my stuff done. well it will get easier an I know its hard espcially when the little ones are sick! your doing a great job!

http://mama1227.blogspot.com/2009/06/guilt.html

Meant to be a mom said...

Bless your heart. I'm going through the same thing right now. If my son is sick I want to be with him. But I work full time. Of course I take off if he's sick. But I feel bad if its a few days. I would feel worse if it was him I was not with when he was sick though.
I truly understand what your saying.
Luckily I have family watching Cooper also. Its nice but just because they are family doesn't mean they need to keep him when he's sick. Thats mom and dad's job.
We are considering a good daycare. And then if he's not super sick we will have family to fall back on and if he is I will take off.

I hope you figure out something that works good for you. Its hard. And daycare is expensive and you have two. Yikes.

Let us know if you come up with a good answer. I worry about the same things.

Christina said...

I hope you can get to where you feel comfortable doing both. Keep your head up, you are doing awesome. :)

Come check out my blog, I have something for you!

Krissi said...

I am so there with you! My twins were born on 9/15 and I recently went back to work as a teacher which is basically an all or nothing kind of job as far as full time! Anyway, I'm a new follower and I love the name of your blog!! I would also love to feature your blog on my other blog: http://stressfreeinfertilityblog.com. Check out tomorrow's post to see! Glad to find you and meet other twin mommies in the same boat!

Krissi said...

What I meant was that I'd like to feature your infertility success story on my blog! Last comment linked you to my mommy blog. This time, I will link it to my success story questions on my Stress Free Infertility blog if you're interested.