Pinch me

Someone please pinch me, did yet another appointment just go flawless?

Responses from the RE:

"Beautiful"
"Absolutely perfect"
"Great growth"
"Better than anticipated"

Yes... she was describing MY CYCLE. Things are right on track. My lining was at 10 mm. I have 16 follicles all between 11 and 16mm and 6 little guys under 10. I go back again for one more check on Sunday and the egg retrieval is set for Tuesday morning. The even better news... I FEEL GREAT! The RE thinks it has to do with my loading up on the protein and Gatorade. Yes, I am uncomfortable, but no where near as much as I was last time.

Gabe has a gig tomorrow. He is uber nervous, I wish I could take that feeling away for him. I don't blame him, he will be singing in front of at least 100 people which will include handfuls of friends, family, and co-workers. I am sure it will go well... all the guys are super talented. I PROMISE that I will upload some video to You Tube and post it.

I will post again with the results of Sunday's check. Thank you all for your love, prayers, and support. I can't help, but feel hopeful today. I have been trying to not think too far ahead throughout this cycle, but today I have caught myself numerous times thinking ahead and I am finding it truly enjoying to have these hopeful thoughts.

An Appointment and Molecular and Stem Cell Research

It is hard to believe that yet another appointment went well. No red lights or even yellow lights... ALL GREEN!

My lining was 7.9 mm, which I was told was good at this time. Each side had the same size and amounts of follicles. I had one and 11mm and two and 10 mm, and 8 small ones right behind. That is a total of 22 follicles!

The RE was super pleased with the progress and said things were right on track and to decrease the Gonal-F to 75 for Thursday night. She said that many of the smaller follicles would catch up, but probably not all of them (which she said was a good thing). She reminded me that we are looking for quality over quantity. Think about it, what good does it do to have 35 eggs if they are poor quality and won't fertilize? So, this cycle we are working on quality. While reviewing my last cycle she mentioned that I was stimulated much too fast last cycle while on the study drug, which could have contributed (along with the faulty trigger shot) to the empty follicles and the poor fertilization rate we had last time. (30 follicles, 9 eggs, 4 fertilized).

I go back for a check again tomorrow. As it stands we are looking at Tuesday the 21st for egg retrieval. I feel SO much better than I did last time. At this point last time I was extremely uncomfortable. Today I am only slightly uncomfortable. I read that a protein rich diet aids in the quality of the eggs and can help with how I feel. I have been loading up on the protein and cutting back on the carbs. I have also been drinking my Gatorade. This morning I managed to eat 44 grams of protein in one meal! Grow nice and strong little eggies.

We decided to donate our arrested eggs and embryos to Stanford for research. Our options were: research or discard. To me it was a no brainer. Discard sounds horrible and this way maybe some good will come of our eggs and embryos that didn't make it.

We donated to:

Molecular Research – this is research on human development, studying eggs and embryos to learn more about early human development, ovarian function, embryo quality, studying abnormal development, and improving IVF clinical outcomes. They will also do genetic testing on our embryos and let us know if they find anything abnormal.

Stem Cell Research – this is research to develop the technique of creating stem cell lines which can possibly be used in the future to treat patients who have genetic diseases and disorders such as diabetes, Parkinson's disease, neurological disorders, etc.

Many people are against it, but we are not. If our arrested embryos can help someone else, why not?

Crossing fingers for another good appointment tomorrow!

The Stims!

Stims have started and so far so good. Night #1 we ended up doing the Menopur shot twice because we couldn't get all the liquid inside the syringe.

Last night Gabe figured it out, so I was only jabbed three times instead of four. Tonight it is all on me... I will be jamming three needles into my own abdomen. The things I won't do for a baby!

Follicle check #1 will be on Wednesday and I have an acupuncture appointment on Tuesday. I am loading up on my whey protein and only eating foods high in protein, I have also started drinking Gatorade to try to avoid over stimulation. Keeping my fingers crossed for a good check.

Hard to Believe...

It seems hard to believe that yet another appointment went PERFECT. I was all smiles leaving my appointment today as was the RE. She said things looked great and I have approx. 25 antral follicles. The number is high, but the RE was fine with it and said we would monitor the medication and the follicle growth closely... wow 25! Hum. Last time I think we had 19 at the baseline.

Stimulation shots which include Gonal-F and Menopur will begin on Saturday the 11th, and my Lupron dosage will be cut in half (three shots per night). Here we go, grow nice and healthy little follicles!

I am off to help Susie prep and bake for Serena's B-Day Pajama Party. Party is tomorrow night!

Happy Halloween!

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Phoenix Says: "Mama, please give me the pumpkin, I will be a good boy. I promise!" (Look at that face!)

Why Does it Hurt So Bad to Say No?

Last night was Monday night football at the Moose Lodge and DH was bartending. Everyone bring snacks, watches the game, and has a beer or two. I really wanted to get out of the house so I went down for a bit, being sure to be home in time for my shot.

While at the lodge I ended up chatting with I woman I had seen around, but had never really had a conversation with. She realized that the bartender was my DH and asked how long we had been married? I responded and then the next question was "do you guys have kids?" Why oh why oh why does this question hurt SO VERY bad? Why do I dread the question and why do I feel like a failure when I answer the obvious answer? Why do I feel I need to say more? This time I didn't say more... this time I just answered "no, not yet."

I know she had seen Elianna with us handfuls of times so I did tell her all about our little love bug and how she has been in our lives since she was less than a week old and how she has a room at our house, and how she lights up our lives. Maybe she is why when I answered "no, not yet," I felt like a liar. Because I guess in a way we do have kids, they just go home most weekdays and I didn't give birth to them. Maybe we are parents in our own ways. Even still... the question hurts, the question leaves me puzzled, and the question makes me wonder how to respond and how much to reveal. Many times I do reveal our struggle. I didn't used to, but I feel that I am strong enough now to share. However this time I decided not to because if this fails, it is just one more person I have to announce my failure to.

I sure can't wait until the day when I can answer "yes we do" and pull out that portfolio of adorable photos and I no longer have to announce my failures, but instead announce my ability to conquer our struggle.

Meds for IVF #2

Thank You Just Isn't Enough

Yesterday my package of Gonal-F (stimulation drug) arrived from Annie. As soon as I heard the chime of the UPS Man's little scaney, signey thing I jumped up (yes, with my knee) and made my way to the front of the office. I knew it must have been my because I had been watching the progress of the package online for the last 24 hours. The package was packed with love, hugs, and prayers. Inside I found print outs of Annie's favorite infertility prayers (with little stars next to her favorites). The package also included the sweetest greeting card, and a little note that said "These meds have been blessed with a prayer! We are so glad to give them to you!" Of course by this time I was crying at my desk.

The world is definitely full of some wonderful people. Today I am thankful for the wonderful people in my life. I have Annie's card and note at my desk so I can look at in at remember that I am not in this journey alone and someday there will be a light at the end of mine and Gabe's tunnel just like there was at the end of Annie and her husband's. Thank you Annie from the bottom of our hearts, we are grateful for this gift you gave us. You have made our journey so much easier.

Night #3 of Lupron went off without a hitch. The DH left for his hunting trip this morning. Thus far he has done my shots, so for the next couple of nights... it is on me. Next appointment 10/9/08.

My First Raider Game Experience - Happy 29th Birthday Honey!

Shot #1 DOWN for IVF #2

Shot #1 down, it was old hat, we are pro's. No problems and the DH made it home in time to give it to me.

You wouldn't believe the pile of drugs in our kitchen. I will have to take a pic. Things are moving right along with the shots and the knee.

Happy Birthday Serena Hope!!!! We love you!!!!