Back on Track

Ahhhh I am NOT broken. Yesterday's appointment went GREAT! We are back on track. I was right where I needed to be and blood work was perfect, so we were able to trigger ovulation last night.

Gabe gave me my shot which was different than last time. This medication was a powder which we had to mix with the dilutant and then injected. The injection site is much more tender than I remember from last time. Ahhh or maybe I am just being a big baby.

So, as long as the little embryo cooperates we are set for transfer Monday morning at 9:10. We are leaving for a relaxing weekend in Tahoe for our anniversary and will be crossing fingers and toes that the blastocyst thaws properly on Monday.

Seriously... NO... Seriously? What.. Seriously?

Seriously... is this my life? Is this really all happening? Do I have some sign over my head that states that things must go wrong for me? Am I cursed? Seriously, I think I am cursed!

Question of the day: "Why can't anything go right?" (Except for you Honey, you are right... you and I went right!)

So, Tuesday the 19th we had a CD 11 check. Remember we are looking for a 15mm to trigger. Left side showed ittie bitties, right side showed a 10 mm. Told we were fine the 10 mm should be ready to go by Friday (CD14). So, I go in alone today expecting to hear the good news. But OF COURSE NOT... why would something go as planned for me? The 10 mm on the right only grew to a 10.5 and I now we have a 7.5 on the left. What the heck is going on? Ummm... hello... each of these checks is costing us $350 not to mention the 1/2 a day off work, gas, toll for two bridges, and most importantly MY EMOTIONS and the feeling that time is ticking away! Christmas is inching closer and remember what I said about Christmas?

Since I was alone, I had a nice screaming match with myself in the car. It flipped from crying hysterically to screaming like a crazy woman "why me? What did I do wrong?" This lasted about 10 minutes, and I can only wonder what those in the cars next to me were thinking. But I needed it! I needed a good scream, a good cry, and a little pity party. I haven't really cried and screamed like that since the miscarriage back in May. Sometimes, it just helps! And today I think it has.

I was nervous what work might say when I told them that I would have yet another appointment Monday morning. All went fine (for now). I am almost completely out of sick and vacation time. So this week I am taking no pay for the time I missed. Ouch! Minus the emotion and feeling of udder failure, the only other problem is the money. So, I will say it again... IT IS ONLY MONEY, it IS NOT happiness. The money will come from some where and it will all work out. Someday it has just GOT TO be worth it.

Here is a thought from the boards I read about being in debt to start your family:
If one of your children got real sick and needed expensive medical treatment to survive you would stop at NO cost to save that child...right? So why would we stop at a price to bring a child into our lives? These are our dreams and our happiness, that is priceless.

On a happier note Miss Elianna will be celebrating a Birthday on Monday. Big smooches to her! We will be having a little B-Day BBQ on Saturday for her. On another uplifting note, it looks like our anniversary WILL be spent in Tahoe. We had at one point thought the transfer would fall around that time, but now with the delays it will in deed not and Gabe and I will get a much needed getaway alone. Happy Friday!

Officially The Last One

So, I am officially the last in my fertility friend buddy group to get knocked up.  Yup.  Congrats to Nathalie who found out today that IVF #3 took.  We started as a group of six, two got pregnant the first try.  Annie on her 2nd, and Lizzy whose IVF got cancelled and did IUI #7 which took.  I am SO SO SO happy for the girls, no one understand the miracle of pregnancy like an infertile woman.  Of course I am a little sad that I am still here on the other side.  They sent all their baby dust my way, so it has just gotta be my time soon.  I am in a FET Aug./Sept. group as well, so lets see how we do.

My Aunt Jane Knows More Than My RE

FET Take TWO!

I have started the clomid. No baseline ultrasound was needed, thank goodness. We are going to TRY to only have one or two ultrasounds since they are $350 each. I go in for the first one on the 19th. We are tentatively set for a transfer sometime during the week of the 25th if all goes well.

I have been worrying A LOT lately about the thaw. Having just the one scares the heck out of me. If only we have two or three I wouldn't be so worried, but see the thawing process is NOT flawless and the odds of the blast surviving the thaw is NOT 100%. So, we will give it a shot and pray for the best. I got to give it a try.

Embryo Thawing

Before FET can take place, your embryos must be thawed after the freezing process. When your reproductive endocrinologist decides it is time to begin the FET procedure, your embryos will be removed from the freezer and thawed.

The embryos are allowed to thaw naturally, until they come to room temperature.

The embryos are then steeped in four separate solutions to help remove any cryoprotectant used during the freezing process.

Your embryos are then warmed to body temperature (37°C) and mixed with a small amount of culture medium.

We have decided that we will FOR SURE jump directly into IVF#2 if need be with NO delay. The $ can no longer be the driving factor, we will worry about that later. We want nothing more than to be parents and as we have said before, we will stop at nothing and will sacrifice anything to make our dreams come true. While financial stability is HUGE to us, being parents means more, and as we have said before... money things have a way of working out. We will figure out how to make it work and where to cut back.

Our anniversary is the 28th and for now we are planning to go up to my bosses cabin in Tahoe. Regardless of what happens during that week, we will still go. It was either be a relaxing, movie watching, bed rest get away or a re-grouping, little bit of wine, moving forward get away. We will just have to play it by ear.

So, the ride has started again. I will stay as hopeful as I possibly can, without getting myself excited. I will keep you posted.

What the Gardener Knows

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x4mSiSKSWMo