I have been MIA from this blog for awhile.  Just trying to take things one day at a time. Tonight, I am thankful!  Today was a nice day, which made me thankful for where I am, what I have become, what I have learned about myself, who I want to be, and who and what is important.  

As for Stanford we are a go as soon as I start my next cycle, and the RE (reproductive endocrinologist) wants me to be thankful for the fact that I was able to achieve a pregnancy on my very own.  By this happening, we were able to rule out so many possible problems.   I am thinking maybe two weeks from now we will be at Stanford again planning our Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET).  I am not putting all my eggs in one basket, but am still extremely hopeful that it may very well work, but I definitely feel I need to have a plan in place in case it doesn't.

Soooo... I went online today to research "fertility loans" for the possible back up plan.  You should have seen Gabe's face when I told him the monthly payment.  I was honestly quite please with the $390 a month for 5 years, but I take it he wasn't.  Honestly $390 a month to have our dreams come true is nothing.  I thought about what we could cut out and what we could do to earn the extra money and it seemed somewhat do-able (hhuumm... not a word).  Then... I thought some more and realized that ideally (and hopefully) along with this monthly payment comes a daycare bill nine months later of about $650 a month... hahaha.  Oh well, somehow it all works out.  Somehow we will make it work, I can honestly tell you I would give up anything and work anywhere and do anything to make this dream of ours a reality.  

Lately after lots of thinking and praying I have come to the conclusion that it WILL work.  We just need the money and the procedures to make it work.  I have realized that I am thankful for what we have and where we are now.  I have realized that I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and instead be thankful for my marvelous husband, my fantastic friends and family, and our exciting new journey as home owners.  We have so much that others only dream of.  We are in fact missing one thing, but I know that eventually we WILL have that one thing.  Whether it be a baby I give birth to or a baby we adopt, we will have it someday and somehow.  I need to stop thinking of the "tick tock" and just remember that eventually we will make it work.  I am thankful, and in so many ways I am happy.  The rollercoaster has slowed down, and is bearable tonight.  

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