You may find it odd, but I find comfort in knowing that I am not alone in some of these apprehensions I am feeling towards the holidays. I want so bad to be excited, if not for myself, for my DH. Christmas is his favorite time of year, but yet Christmas for an infertile is a reminder of what is missing, what others have, and what could/should have been.
I hate feeling sorry for myself, I am trying so hard not to and to be happy for what we have. Yes, we have accomplished things this year, but the pain out weighs these accomplishments and memories. I am playing my hand... and this year the hand involves putting on the smiley face for the holidays and letting my DH enjoy them. I find comfort in the fact that we are moving forward and this year I am thankful for the technology we have that will bring me closer to being a Mother.
Below is a blog post from my friend Polly. Polly is a angel to us, Polly told us about the study at Stanford. Without Polly we would have never experienced IVF or Stanford yet. Without Polly we wouldn't have realized that Stanford was a preferred provider with my insurance and that even though infertility isn't covered on my insurance, the hospital is, and that makes IVF some what financially feasible for us. Polly's recent post about the Holiday's describes what us dealing with infertility and losses feel this time of year. She is a much better writter than me, so I thought that I would share.
http://in2mesee.blogspot.com/2008/11/holiday-apprehensions-like-everybody.html
8 months ago
5 comments:
Oh, sweetie, I feel your pain. I normally love the holidays, but they get tougher and tougher every year that we don't have a little one to share it with. Take the time for yourself and do what YOU need to do to help yourself.
We're all here for you sweetie! (((HUGS)))
I'm here with you hon. I'm trying to get into the spirit. It is really hard. I thought for sure I would be pregnant bu now or having a new born to enjoy the holiday's with. Not so much! But know that I am here with you!! We will all get through this.
Hugs,
Kami
i wish i didnt know how you feel. i love christmas time, too! it sucks that the joy has to be taken away from us.
we can get through this together and hope we will have a baby to enjoy this time with next year!!
I know its not really a consolation, but you aren't the only one who is dreading the holidays. We are not celebrating Christmas this year. No cards, no gift, no tree, we're going to Vegas and pampering ourselves. Maybe next year will be better for both of us. It has to be.
Thanks for all your support the last couple weeks. There are few people in the world right now who I feel like they have understood me the past few weeks, and you are one of them. Thank you.
Oh Tiffany, I'm so sorry that the holidays suck. I think the hardest part is that the DH's love the time of year and I know I feel like a stuck in the mudd.
And thank you for all of those sweet things you said, I was so happy to point you in the direction of Stanford ... it still makes me happy that I acted the matchmaker in getting you two "together".
Happy Thanksgiving Sweety,
Polly
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