Baby Shower

When asked numerous times if I was having a baby shower, my answer was always "no."  I was under the impression that with second babies you didn't have a shower and I was totally fine with that.  I mean we had a huge blowout for the boys shower and we still had much of their things left over for Hudson.  So what if buggie boy had all hand me down blankies and clothes?

Well my wonderful friends had a different idea.  They felt Hudson and I needed a little spoiling too.  Much to my surprise a shower was brewing.  I found out a couple weeks prior to the shower and was delighted to say the least.  It was just perfect!  An intimate girls brunch where I could spend time with some wonderful girls and Hudson was blessed with some special blankies, clothes, and toys just for him.  Sweet boy does need to know how much he was/is loved too.

I had no idea the theme or who would be there.  It was fun not knowing the details.  The girls did an A-MAZING job!  The brunch was amazing as was the company.  Andrea out did herself with the sweetest diaper cake and gorgeous farm themed cupcakes.  Susie outdid herself with the amazing food and decorations.

All in all it was a beautiful day where I could get away and relax and feel pampered.  Hudson and I were showered with love.  Huge huge thank yous to Susie and Andrea for the beautiful day, I could not ask for more.  Love you girls!

 Skinny Girl margaritas only became available in my area while I was pregnant, 

so I have yet to try them .  Can't wait!

 Needless to say Gabe was thrilled to see these.

 Auntie Heather came through again with a beautiful hand made blanket.  This time complete with cowboy theme.

 Beautiful, soft, angelic blankie made by my Mom

 Feed the piggie! Aaden loves to feed his piggie change, no doubt Hudson will love it too.

 Yahoo special blankets just for Hudson

Winding Down

The days are winding down.  I am now 36 weeks pregnant, and have just 21 more days left of my old life.  My life with just my two little guys.  Just when things are getting easier we are going to take a huge spoon and stir the pot of life.  Just when running errands got easy, Aaden has started using the potty and we got into a perfect routine, the waves will begin.  Just when I have forgot what sleepless nights (due to children) feels like, they will begin again.  Just when there is not a bottle in sight, they will make their way back.

I would love to tell you all that I am super excited and can't wait for the change, but that would be a lie.  I am SCARED TO DEATH!  I can't quite tell ANYONE this, so I am thankful to get to try to let it all out here, which often times makes me feel better.  I am not sure how I am supposed to be feeling right now so maybe it is normal.  People keep saying "I bet you are so excited?"  I am excited about the baby, but not excited about change and more chaos.

How on earth am I going to do this?  I mean I know I can somehow eventually handle it at home, but will I EVER leave the house?  Will my new reality mean never leaving the house with the three kids?  Are the days of going out to pizza or mexican food over?  Are the days where I can run errands with the kids gone?  I have SO many unknowns right now and that is hard for me!  Who will watch little man when I go back to work?  Does it even make sense to go back to work?  As I run the numbers in my head most all the money I make at work will go to the childcare for the three kids, which seems insane, but then again it keeps my mind working, my foot in the door at work, and gives me some grown up conversation.  So much is up in the air and that makes this Mommy uneasy.  I am NOT good at unknown, I plan EVERYTHING.  You should see my garage.  I now have bags packed for the boys to go to my Grandma's house when the baby comes.

The plan is Gram will come over early Friday morning before we leave for the hospital.  Once baby Hudson is out and we have settled in a bit she will head over to the hospital with the boys so they can all meet baby "Husson."  This is a moment that makes me excited and melts my heart.  They will visit for awhile and then... off they will go to Grammy's for the weekend.  Originally it was only going to be for the night, but since she is feeling well and because my Aunt will also spend the weekend at Gram's the weekend it is!  This took a HUGE weight off my shoulders.  Now I know they will be well taken care of during the day and night and the Daddy can spend the weekend with Hudson and I (which btw is also our seven year anniversary weekend).  My biggest fear for Gram is bedtime, I have somehow raised two kids who only really know sleeping in their cribs in their room.  They are ANGELS at sleeping in their beds and going right down, but throw in a wrench and OH NO!  Soooooo... hopefully it goes okay and Gram isn't high tailing it back to town with them Saturday morning.  I have arranged for a possible sitter Monday and Tuesday days for them.  But as of right now I am not certain if I will be home Monday or Tuesday and not sure if the boys will be home Sunday or Monday.

My bag is somewhat packed, today I will work on toiletries and I guess I better make sure camera and camcorder stay charged up at this point.  You should see the boys corner of the garage where I have packed their things.  I swear sometimes I am SO over the top in planning.  They have a clothes, diaper, and toiletries bag. A back-pack with 10 toys, 2 books, and one puzzle in it.  A gallon of juice, a lunch box full or their favorite snacks, two pack n' plays, and then a note with a list of things to be added last minute: milk, blue sandals, blue sweat shirts, 5 cups, booster seats, 2 pillows, 4 blankets, and blue stroller.  Yes I know right?  Over the top!  But that is me and this is the crap that is going on in my mind and keeps me up at night.  I NEED to learn how to let go.  I also need to learn how to ask for help.  If someone can please send me a way to do that, I would be eternally grateful.

This week has been a rough one for all kinds of reasons, mostly the ups and downs with Gram and some other crap I have been feeling.  But now that we know Gram is healthy I have been working on just concentrating on right now.  Enjoying today and trying not to dwell on some feelings I am having and trying not to worry about the future.  I know somehow it will all work out.

Boys party is 98% done and the big party I am planning for my friend is coming together as well.  My goal for next week is to wrap that up.  Then the following two weeks I can relax with the boys and get last minute Hudson room stuff done and get the house in tip top shape.

Yesterday I had another NST and an appointment, both went great.  The nurse that did the NST was awesome.  She let me look around L&D and pick out my favorite rooms, hehehe.  So just in case the room I had with the boys is taken I know my next couple favorites.  I didn't gain any weight this week, which is fine with me and the doc.  I have gained a total of 21 pounds, which is higher than I planned, but eh oh well.  With only three weeks to go it shouldn't get much higher.  They are guessing Hudson weighs 5.5 pounds right now.  I am measuring 35 weeks instead of 36, but that could be because he is really dropping.  Doc guessed we would have a 7.5 pound baby on August 26th.  Cervix is closed, but shortening and Hudson's head is pushing on my cervix and giving me a truly awkward feeling mostly because he is irritating the cerclage which is a HORRIBLE annoying feeling that makes me feel like I can't move, but also have to pee.  I could really do without that.

In poopy news my disability claim has not even been started, and once it is... it still takes 2 - 3 weeks to see any money.  We are taking it day by day now and trying not to freak out yet.  Thanks to my amazing Grammy she paid off the last of our medical bills (which wasn't all that big anymore), but took a HUGE weight off our shoulders.  So so thankful that I will never have to looks at medical bills in the thousands ever again.  Come January we switch to an insurance which will cost us more per month, but has NO deductible.  It's also a hospital my Mommy works at so it should be GREAT!

This weekend is my "surprise" baby shower.  hahahaaha.  Yup my two wonderful friends Susie and Andrea have been planning a small shower.  I am not up on ANY of the details and not sure who all was invited, but I did find out about it from a few people who didn't know it was a surprise and also because the hostesses wanted to be sure I didn't make any plans for that day.  Truly truly excited to get together to celebrate baby Hudson.

Have You Ever...

Have you ever spent most of the night in bed praying for a miracle?  Praying for a different outcome?  Praying that your problem would magically go away?  I remember all too well what it was like to spend a majority of every night praying.  Praying to become a Mom, and then praying for healthy full-term babies.  Last night, I spent most of the night praying for a miracle for my Grammy.  I prayed that the cancer would just go away.  All I wanted was for it to go away and never come back.

I received a call from Grammy this morning.  When I saw her picture on my phone, I knew this was the call, which was going to tell us the "next step."  I heard her tears, much harder tears that yesterday.  I braced myself and held myself up against the kitchen sink trying to remain as calm as I could for the boys.  Then I detected a hint of laughing in her voice as she yelled... "IT'S NOT CANCER!"  I just kept saying "thank you God!"  It seems that yesterday her doctors office jumped the gun in reading her results to her.  After more thorough review from the specialist, it is NOT cancer, but more a form of pre-cancer that just needs to be watched.  I guess it is hard to explain, so they plan to meet with the specialist tomorrow to go over all the details, but the AMAZING news is she is all clear and nothing further needs to happen.  Thank you thank you thank you God!  And thank you all for your concern and prayers, we are so very blessed yet again.

Today I was delighted to meet up with a long time fertility friend and fellow blogger.  We met in an IVF buddy group on FF back in 2008.  There are five of us girls who have remained close since we met in the group and all of us have been blessed with at least a baby (mostly two) since that time.  Ryan recently moved about an hour away from me so we decided to meet at a museum near her.  The museum was great, I can't wait to take the boys back with the Daddy.  It was so fun to meet Ryan and her kids, we all had a ball.  Well, until Noah had a mini melt down because he was so over tired and we had to struggle to make the walk to the car with no stroller.  We plan to meet up again after baby Hudson comes, maybe somewhere a little closer to me next time.

Aaden rocking out

Noah loved the bubbles and the frogs

Evie & William

Aaden loving the fish

My guys

Noah & Evie.  We joked that they look related.

Aaden is definitely musical

What a fun time!

Special Announcement

AADEN WENT PEE PEE ON THE POTTY!!!!!!!!!!!  Yahoo, this Mommy is over the moon!  I am hoping this is the start of the real training, but who knows maybe it was just a fluke.  And yes of course I took a picture, but I will spare you the pee pee details.  Yahoo to my big boy!

No results yet on Grammy, still waiting on pins and needles.

***Update**** Results are in and it IS cancer.  Please keep us and my Gram in your thoughts and prayers.

I Could Get Used to This

Working from home... it's the best of both worlds.  Using my brain and making some money while the buggies sleep, but still being home for them.

I got the opportunity to help out with some data entry for a friends business.  I am not sure how long it will last, but for now I am grateful.  I am going on one month and still no sign of my disability check so this is REALLY going to help, plus I feel... hummm what's the word?  "Useful" for more than cleaning house and wiping booties.  This is JUST what I needed!

Yesterday we checked up on Baby H and he was great.  Fluid levels were amazing and AGAIN showing the package and breathing.  I had a different doctor this time and he is VERY thorough.  He recommended NSTs TWICE a week.  My jaw dropped and all I could mutter was "I have twins."  Childcare is SUPER hard for me to come by right now.  I used to be able to count on Thursday help, but given my Grandma's situation I don't know when and if I will have that for awhile.  OH MY GOODNESS... update on that.  Surgery went well, they went in twice and are pretty sure they were able to remove the whole spot.  We will know the results on Monday and will go from there.  Thanks so much for your thoughts and prayers.

Anyways childcare right now is pretty much non-existent so the NSTs and the weekly doctors appointments just made my heart sink.  Thankfully the doctor agreed to NSTs just once a week.  I picked Thursdays for appointments and NSTs in hopes that between my Mom and Grandma we can work something out.  My Mom is usually off Thursdays, but for extra money she often picks up an extra shift that day and/or has errands and things she needs to do as well.  Soon enough the boys will be in pre-school two days a week and then I will be on a mission to find a Hudson sitter a couple days a week.  The hunt NEVER ends.  Those of you who have childcare help from family, please NEVER take for granted how lucky you are.

They were able to get me in for a 4:30 NST so thankful for that because the Daddy was home with the boys by that time.  I found the test to be pure heaven!  A quiet hospital room (the same room I labored with the boys, that brought back some memories) surrounded by pillows, the sounds of Hudson's little ticker, and a remote to a TV.  What wasn't to love?  They handed me a button to push when he moved.  Well wouldn't ya know it, it was the most active he has EVER been and he had hiccups the entire 30 minutes.  I was sent home passing with flying colors, the babes is doing great.  I was told to watch for labor signs and get into L&D at any signs so they could be sure to have enough time to remove the cerclage and prep for the c-section.  Just 28 days of less...

30 Days, Prayers, and an Overload

30 days until Hudson makes his debut.  30 days until we are starting all over with a newborn and I am indulging in strawberry soda and sushi.  Oh and maybe a couple weeks later I will be having my first taste of a Skinny Girl Margarita or a nice crisp glass of Sauvignon Blanc.

Yesterday a friend of mine took maternity pics, it was HECTIC to say the least.  Trying to get the boys in the same picture as us was utter chaos. But at the end of the day we some how managed to get some decent shots.  We weren't going for the lets stand a smile and pose kind because that's just not our life anymore.  I CANNOT wait to see how they turned out.  Seriously CANNOT wait.

Yesterday I took the boys out to lunch and to get a car wash.  There was a woman there with two kids (older than mine of course) and a 7 week old.  Lunch was arriving and she was dealing with that and at the same time the baby got hungry.  I started to panic slightly for her.  But nope she swopped up the baby held his bottle with her chin and carried on helping the older kids.  I began to wonder if breastfeeding would be just as easy, easier, or maybe harder.  I didn't really "breastfeed" the boys.  I pumped and fed them because Noah never really latched.  I am having quite a bit of anxiety over what is "right for us this time."  I say I want to go with breastfeeding, BUT bottles seem SO much easier with all we have going on.  I can pass him off to friends and family to help and won't have to figure out how to try to breastfeed him discreetly in public places and then what happens a few months later when I go back to work?  At the end of the day I DO want to give it my best effort, BUT I am not going to let myself feel like a failure if it doesn't work out.  I know at the start it WILL be harder than bottles, but eventually it WILL be easier.  So the plan is to try to attack it with every ounce I have.

Tomorrow is the big day, Gram's surgery please please please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.

 Somebody thinks he is the baby

 Daddy got a back up singer at his last event

 The temporary fix to our diaper issue until the pull-ups arrived

 Adding Hudson to the mix

 Probably one of the cutest baby butts EVER, I am sure he will love this someday

 Another picture, really?

 Aaden LOVES his Papa Wayne

 Kissing and showing Mama where Hudson is

 Aaden and Cousin Julia

 Noah taking in the view

 Noah & Cousin Julia

 First time fishing

 Our little guys

For some crazy reason Aaden is our biggest chatter box, but I manage to have more videos of Noah talking.  Probably because Aaden won't do it on command.  Ya know "Aaden what does the doggie say?" The kid just looks at me like stupid.. you know what the dog says.  He instead will just carry on a full conversation when you least expect it.  Noah, he will play copycat with me, so here are some copycat videos and a Hudson kicking video.

My Future Baseball Star and 33 Weeks

Updates and Prayers

It always seems to happen that just when things are going smooth you hit a bump.  I am at a time in my life where I couldn't ask for much more.  I am home with my bugs enjoying the Summer, my amazing amazing amazing friends and my super wonderful family.  I am surrounded by supportive, optimistic, fun, and loving people not to mention an amazing Husband and two wonderful little boys with one more on the way.  I fall asleep with a smile on my face, and wake up to the sounds of my monkeys chatting in their room.  Really.. at a great place.  So wouldn't ya know it that a bump would come along?

7 years ago while in the midst of wedding planning the unthinkable happened and my Grammy was diagnosed with lung cancer.  I have mentioned my Gram a bit on here and that's because she is a huge part of my life and a huge part of me.  My Mom was young when she had me and my Mom became a single Mom when I was VERY young.  My Gram played a huge part in my life.  Many a Summers and weekends would be spent at her house where I learned to cook, and clean, learned religion, and saw what a wonderful marriage looks like.  Even still my Gram plays a huge part in our lives and comes over every Thursday to take care of the boys, or more recently just hang out with us and chit chat and help me out with the boys and the house.

So 7 years ago Gram fought through.  She took that cancer and squashed it!  They were able to remove the spot on her lungs and no additional treatment was needed, although YES it was a very invasive surgery and took her quite some time to heal, but she did it and even climbed to the top of Half Dome in Yosemite a year later.  Well after a routine mammogram a few weeks ago they found a spot on her breast.  Quickly after that they sent her in for a biopsy, well because of the location and the blood vessels around the spot they were not able to perform the biopsy.  She waited for an appointment and was able to get in with the specialist.  He thought that going in for surgery to remove the spot made the most sense.  So on the 28th Gram will go in for surgery to remove the spot.  At this point we are not sure if it is cancerous or not.  They will do their best to remove it and some of the cells around it.  We pray for a safe surgery and also pray that the spot is not cancerous.  Please please keep my Gram in your thoughts now and in a couple weeks as she goes through the surgery and awaits the results.

In other not so important news my chest pain is doing WAY better today and yesterday I got to see baby H.  I had what is most likely my final ultrasound and cervix check.  Cervix was a 3.8, holy moly no shortening going on here and more than likely that has little to do with the cerclage.  My cervix just didn't handle twins all that well.  Hudson was breathing like crazy and even managed to show the doc that his testicles have dropped... YES Hudson we KNOW you are a boy, you don't have to keep rubbing it in Mommies face.  hehehe.  Surgery date is set, we will first remove the cerclage and then move on with the c-section.  I opted NOT to tie my tubes after a lot of going back and forth.  Do I think I will be having more kids?  NO!  But it was too hard to make such a final decision at just 29.  However, I WILL be getting on something more than just birth control pills in the future.  Next hard decision will be what to do with the five frozen embryos.

In buggie news this week has FLOWN by, I am not quite sure how I did all this and worked, I am LOVING staying home and spending time with them.  I have done some schedule switch up and it seems to be working great.  Bugs wake up around 8, but chit chat a bit then we have some breakfast and play together.  From 10 - 11 they watch Sesame Street in their room while I do some clean up and laundry.  11 - 12:30  we color or do puzzles, play at the park, play outside, or go for a walk.  12:30 is lunch time and 1:00 is nap time.  It's crazy how naps from moved from 11:30 to 1:00 in just 7 months.  But I LOVE it because if we decide to go out it gives us much more awake time to do something instead of hurrying home for naps.  They awake usually around 3 and we take a snack outside and play.  About 4:20 on Tuesday, Thursdays, and Fridays the Daddy comes home, which we LOVE!  Mondays and Wednesdays he doesn't, which can make for a long day.  We all have dinner around 6 and then baths have been moved to 7:30 and bedtime to 8:00.  It's working great, they very rarely fight sleep now that nap time has moved 30 minutes later and bedtime has moved 30 minutes later.

In Birthday Buggie news... a party has been planned!  I am big on Birthdays, they are special to me.  I rarely let special days of those I love go un-noticed.  We thought long and hard about what to do for the buggies considering Hudson will only be two weeks old.  We thought about just doing nothing, or trying to combine their Birthday with a welcome baby party for Hudson or even combining it with a friend of mines son whos Birthday is the day before the boys for some party help.  Well the boys WILL be getting their special day or two.  Their actual birthday falls on opening night of football, which also happens to be RAIDER football.  My Husband is a DIE-HARD Raider fan so we will have a pizza and football party at home for close friends and family.  The following weekend we will have a Choo-choo train party at the park.  Nothing crazy, the guest list has been cut a lot from last years since it isn't their first birthday.  I have already created and made the invitations via Heritage Makers scrapping and last night I ordered all the supplies.  Sort of.  I ordered about half the napkins and plates we need because frugal me plans to go to Target and buy the other half in a solid color to alternate and make them stretch farther, same with the table cloths I will buy a solid color.  No goodie bags either, instead I ordered a train pinata.  So after a target run for my solids and some candy all that's left is food.  Pretty sure it will be burgers, hot dogs, watermelon, and BBQ chips.  Remember keeping it simple here as I will have a three week old.  My beautiful and amazing friend Andrea has agreed to make two train cakes, one for each boy.  I heart her, her and my amazing friends are the reason I opted for this party because I know they will be around to help me out.  Here is a party spoiler...

http://www.birthdayexpress.com/Two-Two-Train-2nd-Birthday-Party-Supplies/64713/PartyKitDetail.aspx

July 4th, What a Difference Five Years Can Make...

2007

2008

2009

2010

2011

Ouch!

So yesterday shortly after lunch I started getting some pain in my chest, and more specifically behind my heart.  It was a tightness feeling that hurt when I took a deep breath, straightened my back, coughed, or stretched out my left arm.  I initially thought it was a little gas bubble, but as the problem continued with NO relief I started wondering.

This morning I called the OB to see what they thought.  To much surprise they urged me to go to the ER right away.  The ER with my twins?  Huh?  Thankfully my sister was at home and up for watching them.  When I got to the ER they rushed me in right away and three nurses and the EKG man followed me.  Talk about scary!  Within 10 minutes or so I was checked-in, vitals done, as well as the EKG.  The doctor came in and said my EKG was okay, not perfect, but acceptable.  He said he heard a pretty substantial heart murmur.  I had been told I had a mild one off and on throughout my life, but this doctor said it was VERY noticeable and that sometimes pregnancy can make it worse.  They did blood work to rule out a heart attack, uhhh talk about scare me half to death.  Baby H was kicking away and probably was enjoying some down time.

The ticker seems to be okay, although the ER doc would like me to follow up with a cardiologist for an echo cardio gram sometime in the near future for the murmur.  Turns out my rib bones have shifted and are irritating the cartilage in my chest wall bone which is causing the pain.  It is a condition called costochondritis.  Usually is lasts 1 - 2 weeks, but who knows in this case.  Unfortunately I can only take Tylenol for the pain and try to avoid doing the things that irritate it.  I decided to rest when the boys rested today, so here I am cuddled up on my couch hoping to make this crazy thing go away.

I am VERY thankful that is all it was and it makes sense because the little dude is pushing on my rib bones.  Had I not been pregnant I guess this also comes on related to stress, but since I am pregnant the doctor assumes it is from the baby pushing on my ribs.  Either way I am planning to take it easy as I can with two 22 month olds.  Yup, bugs turned 22 months yesterday!  Their speaking and interacting with each other is totally mind boggling lately.