Show and Tell Oldies, but Goodies

1998
My 16th Birthday

Easter 1998, Angel Island


May 1999


1999

Yosemite, 1998

Disneyland 2001

The day I got my drivers license

1998

Winter dance, 2000

First dance together February 1998

1998

2002

Senior Prom 2000

1997Baby Gabe

Junior Prom 1999

33 Weeks and Big Babies

Sorry, I am a day late on this post. Yesterday was 33 weeks, I am still shocked that we have made it this far. We had a growth scan yesterday at the Peri's office and we have a couple of big babies. Baby A (Noah) is 4 lbs. 13 oz. and Baby B (Aaden) is 5 lbs. 3 oz. I was extremely delighted to hear these weights. These are fantastic weights for twins, after hearing this I felt like this huge fear just floated away and I was all smiles. It was the first time in a long time that I truly believed things might just be okay.

Both babies are measuring ahead and were "breathing." The tech was so excited to see them "breathing" I still don't fully get it, but I guess it is a great thing, which shows that they are using their lungs. My cervix was still closed and my placenta was "mature", which is a sign that the end is near. Fluid levels on the babies are still great and my contractions and swelling have subsided a bit.

We were able to see Aaden's hair, and he has lots of it... it had to be almost as cute as the shot we have with the little feet. I was told to stop progesterone next week and to also discuss stopping the blood pressure medicine with my OB as well. Holy moly... stopping meds, this is the real deal. It seems most twins come around 35 weeks and the Peri seems to think we are "ready if it happens." I of course would like at least two more weeks. I was told that after 34 weeks many times the hospital will not try to postpone labor for twins, so it could be any day now.

I keep laughing about the Preemie clothes we have, which I was so worried about getting. Now it seems they have already grown out of a couple of them and wouldn't ya know it my scared butt just recently washed them and took the tags off. I also just stocked up on three packs of preemie diapers. Oh well, I am sure the preemie stuff will still fit for a week or so, even if some of them do say they are for up to 5 pounds.

I am still in shock at the news and both Gabe and I felt this big sense of relief, so much that we actually put stuff together. We put together the pack n' play with bassinets (that was a chore) and we put together one Boppy bouncy seat, couldn't go all crazy with two, but we did do one.

Next week will be the delivery discussion and a huge part of me is leaning towards the c-section route, but ultimately it is up to my OB. In the beginning he thought going straight to a c-section with twins was best, but then when Noah went head down, I was leaning towards a vaginal delivery. My fear is laboring for hours and hours and then going to a c-section or having Noah vaginally and having to do a c-section with Aaden. I would rather go straight to it if that is the case, but of course we don't know what will happen. The other reason I am leaning towards c-section is because I didn't get to take any of the labor, pain management, or breathing classes, so Ms. Prepared feels unprepared, but I am sure I could handle it.

Twin Mama's what are your thoughts? I know more than 50% of twins go c-section, and I know having it planned rather than an emergency is much safer. I am aware that the recovery is worse, but we will have help. My other thought is that my cerclage is set to come out at 36 weeks, and I was told this will be some what painful. Couldn't they just give me the spinal and remove the cerclage the same time as the c-section? Would they do a planned c-section at 36 weeks with babies measuring ahead?

This week your baby weighs a little over 4 pounds (heft a pineapple) and has passed the 17-inch mark. He's rapidly losing that wrinkled, alien look and his skeleton is hardening. The bones in his skull aren't fused together, which allows them to move and slightly overlap, thus making it easier for him to fit through the birth canal. (The pressure on the head during birth is so intense that many babies are born with a conehead-like appearance.) These bones don't entirely fuse until early adulthood, so they can grow as his brain and other tissue expands during infancy and childhood. http://www.babycenter.com/

Dear Noah & Aaden,

First off I want to thank you for cooperating through all of this. Thank you for holding strong, gaining weight, and tickling your Mommy. Thank you for the wonderful rib and bladder kicks, and thank you for making my dreams come true. I know I have been sad lately, but I really think it is because I love you so very much and I can't stand the thought that something may not turn out just right. You boys have brought a new sunshine to my life and I cannot wait to start our lives together. I cannot wait for You, Me, and Daddy to share new adventures and watch our world explode with love. I cannot believe that soon I will be holding and loving on you both. I cannot believe that soon my nights will be spent rocking and caring for the two most precious gifts ever. Please know that you are my miracles, you are everything we have ever wanted. We all can't wait to meet you. Keep holding strong for at least another couple weeks! Oh and if you could... please go easy on me. Lets get these feedings down pat, work on a nice matching schedule, and if you could sleep through the night soon that would be great too. I love you boys and your Daddy more than words could ever express.

Love,
Mommy

Diaper Bags

I have been a pretty good researcher, I knew I wanted a Skip Hop diaper bag and the messenger bag seemed like a good choice because it was larger than most Skip Hop bags. I wanted lots of pockets and I wanted it to be gender neutral so Gabe would be fine carrying it too. I am not fond of diaper bags with characters or foofoo baby things on it. The babies aren't carrying them, the parents are. We registered for the bag, but didn't get it at the shower, but we did get lots of Target gift cards. So I ordered the messenger in Red and was so excited to get it, but when i got it, I was far from excited. It was NOT the bag for us! The storage space was ridiculous. At first I thought I would just deal with it and carry two bags if need be, but after holding it and putting things in it I realized that it really was not worth the $79 we paid at Target. I ordered it online and figured returning it would be horrible. NOT the case! I was able to go online and print an invoice and am now able to take it back to the local Target store. How about that?

So I put on my research cap again and this time I used Mr. Google and threw in the word spacious and twin diaper bag. Low and behold a Skip Hop appeared. A Skip Hop I hadn't seen before. A Skip Hop with far more space for both our little buggers things. The Skip Hop Duo Deluxe. I read all the reviews and they were great many mentioning twins and stroller clips. I was sold. the better news was that it is was only $80 on Amazon.com. So I got the bigger bag for the same price and this time, no tax! Hahaha!!! It should be here next week, lets just hope I love it as much as I think I will.

Our Pack n' Play arrived. The Pack n' Play which will be the boys sleeping place for the first few months. I can't wait to get it put together and put it in our room. Even more than that I can't wait to see both our healthy babies sleeping in it.

Things are starting to feel so real. It is hard to imagine two little creatures will be in this house soon. All reservations aside, I truly am so excited and blessed, but it is hard for me to fully show it because I am scared. There you have it... My name is Tiffany and I am scared to be a Mother of twins. I have been a downer lately and am trying like hell to pick myself up and convince myself that I can do this and that it is going to be amazing and THEY ARE BOTH GOING TO BE HEALTHY. I cannot wait to hold them and see who they look like, I can't wait to comfort them and protect them, so what am I so afraid of?

Financially I am terrified, I wonder if I will even have a job to go back to, and I wonder how we will deal with this new cut that Gabe just got at work. I wonder how we will pay for health insurance for the boys, and how we will come up with the $1,500 deductible when they are born. I wonder where in the world the money will come from to pay for daycare, or who will be watching the boys for that matter. I am a numbers and a planner girl, it is what I do for a living so this scares me. I try not to think about it and just take each day as it comes, but well.. that wouldn't be me if I didn't plan. It scares me to not have financial stability, it scares me that I can't predict our expenses or my income.

On another note, Gabe and I are both really tired of the "your life is over stories." We know our life isn't over, and it is pretty sad when no one has good stories to tell us. All they want to tell me about is how hard breastfeeding is, how I will get no sleep, poop stories, and how much the boys will cost us in diapers. Okay people we got that, now can you please tell us about your babies first smile and how it melted your heart, and tell us about how awesome it is to see the bond between your twins? The guys at work have been giving Gabe a pretty hard time, telling him he will never go golfing or sleep again. We know that isn't true, but we also know it isn't going to be easy on either of us. We know things are going to be rough, and we are up for the challenge. We were feeling better last night, because we realized that the bad days would pass, and the good days will out weigh the bad, and that no matter what we have each other and that our dreams are coming true.

No amount of crying or sleepless nights can over come the joy we will get when our boys reach for us to be held, the joy on Gabe's face when he first lays eyes on the boys, the tears of joy my Mom will cry when she holds her Grandson's, the day we bring two healthy babies home from the hospital and get to go on the web cam and show my Mother-in-law her twin Grandsons, and our Niece and Nephew their new cousins. The day they call us Mama and Dada, the day they smile, the day they laugh, holidays, I could go on and on and on... the point is that yea, I probably won't sleep much and I am sure I will break down in tears numerous times from being overwhelmed, but it is all so worth it. This bedrest is so worth it, the IVFs were so worth it. We are going to be parents! No one ever said being parents was easy, but they do say it is rewarding.

Show and Tell

Since I don't have many new pictures or exciting stories to share, I have decided to share our all time favorite vacation. Probably the only perk of infertility is the ability to vacation every year to some great places.

In May of 2007 we flew to Miami and took a cruise to Grand Cayman, Jamaica, and Cozumel. Gabe and I still both believe it was the best vacation ever, and it may remain that way for quite some time, probably until we can take our little boys to Hawaii or Mexico.

I am a big fan of cruises, I love laying by the pool and getting to dress up and eat great food every night. I also love to be able to go to three destinations.

The Miami Airport

My Step-Dad and I in front of Miami Ink in South Beach

Grand Cayman on our way to swim with the sting rays

Probably one of the funnest days EVER

My hot Mama swimming with the sting rays

Handsome Boys

Cozumel

The Mayan ruins in Cozumel

This was formal night, I think my honey ate five lobster tails that night

Nerves and Fears

Dog for Sale, Free Dog, Will Pay You to Take Dog

What is up with this destructiveness? It is almost as if he knows his life is about to completely change, so he is just trying to say "here Mom... take that for wanting to change my life and take the spotlight off of me!" They were both doing pretty well for while, but lately little guy is destroying really random things. Today it was two pens and yesterday it was hot roller clips, the day before was yet another baby toy. What gives?

The nerves are really sinking in. I got a Private Message on FF from a Mama of twins, hers are now three weeks old and she told me how great it is now that they have some sort of routine down. She also mentioned how hard the first couple of weeks were. She said there were times that her and her DH just looked at each other and asked what they had gotten themselves into. I am dreading that. I know it is going to happen, I just don't want it to.

I can totally handle a lack of sleep, I am not big on sleep and I am not a napper, but that is one thing that Gabe is not good at. He needs his sleep and he is grouchy if he doesn't get it. Most Tuesdays he goes into work an hour and a half early, and most Tuesdays when he comes home an hour and a half early he needs an hour and a half nap or the remainder of the night he is a grouch.

For when he goes back to work I was thinking of a schedule where maybe he takes 8 pm to 10 pm and lets me sleep, then I take 10 pm to 5 am, and he takes 5 am to 7 am. That way he is insured a good solid 7 hours and I am insured a good 4 hours, with hopefully a couple hours in between somewhere.

I can't quite pinpoint my biggest fear, but I think it is the fear that I won't be a good Mom, and I won't be able to show them both how much they mean to me. How can I spread myself equally between two newborns? How can we financially provide for both? How can I keep from stressing over the little things?

Another big fear is PPD. I have read that it is worse for those with multiples and even more so for those who were on fertility treatments. Lets face it, I am already slightly depressed right now with being on bedrest and fearing for the health of my boys, will it just magically go away when the boys get here? I am so not one of those who will hide it and try to fix it myself, if I feel not right I would hope that I will be the first to acknowledge it, and seek help with drugs, Tom Cruise can bite me! But then again I am not sure if I remember what it feels like to not feel anxious or depressed. Sounds sad, but so true. For years my life revolved around fertility treatments, which made me feel both anxious and depressed. Then once I got pregnant I was in constant fear of losing my boys, which again made me feel anxious and depressed. So what the hell am I supposed to feel? I am not sure if that person who isn't anxious and depressed exists anymore, and if she does, will I recognize her? Honestly maybe she doesn't exist, maybe it is yet another thing that IF has taken from me. If she does still exist, I can't wait to be reacquainted with her. She was happy, fun, and easy going. I think I saw glimpses or her at early stages in my pregnancy, so I sure hope she finds her way back. But if I remember correctly she also shopped too much, and carried balances on credit cards. I sure hope she grew out of that.

Another fear is breastfeeding for twins. Ahhhhhhhhh the horror stories! Seriously I have not had one person say that breast feeding is easy, but yet here I sit convinced that I am going to do it. I have been told over and over that both boys need to eat at the same time. I get this, but it seems so hard to get them both to latch on and feed at the same time. I so want to breastfeed, and I know it is hard, but I am up for the challenge. I think... I just hope my supply is up for the challenge.

Can someone please pass on their MoM (Mother of Multiples) super powers to me for the first few weeks until I acquire my own?

Can I do this? Holy crap, I am going to have TWO babies! I guess I just realized this! Please give me a pat on the back because yesterday for the first time I took tags off clothes and washed them. Just a few things, I couldn't go getting all crazy, but I did remove some tags off the newborn stuff. For me it was a big accomplishment.

32 Weeks!!!

I had an OB appointment this morning and was called "an over achiever." How about that? The boys were looking great and we even caught Noah trying to breathe, which I guess is a really good thing. Fluid levels were great, heartbeats were in the 140's/150's. Noah is in prime position for delivery and Aaden is also in a great position where he should fall right down when Noah moves out of the way. Cervix is closed and stable around a 1.3. My belly is measuring 39 weeks and my feet are huge. Next week I go for my last growth scan at the Peri and then it will be weekly OB appointments until delivery. 26 more days until my cerclage is removed and bedrest is over!!! Oh as for the heartburn the OB said Zantac works best.

By now, your baby weighs 3.75 pounds (pick up a large jicama) and is about 16.7 inches long, taking up a lot of space in your uterus. You're gaining about a pound a week and roughly half of that goes right to your baby. In fact, she'll gain a third to half of her birth weight during the next 7 weeks as she fattens up for survival outside the womb. She now has toenails, fingernails, and real hair (or at least respectable peach fuzz). Her skin is becoming soft and smooth as she plumps up in preparation for birth. http://www.babycenter.com/

Baby’s senses are continuing to improve -- when light peeks in through your (extremely) stretched belly, those tiny eyelids and irises blink and dilate. And, baby can now recognize and react to simple songs… time to start practicing your lullabies! Growth (at least inside your womb) is starting to slow, and you may notice baby descend into your pelvis at the end of this month. http://www.thebump.com/

A Sunset For Noah & Aaden and FOOD

Dream Dinners? Have you heard of it? I am trying to figure out what we are going to do about food once the boys come home. Originally I planned to be cooking, cooking, cooking right now and freezing meals, but I can't do that. Although Gabe and I are going to make a large batch of pesto sauce tomorrow since our basil plants have gone nuts and we will freeze that. But we can't live on pesto alone and once these boys are here the healthy eating habits are coming back in full swing. Well.... or partial swing. I went to the website and there is a location not too far from here, but it seems pricey for what you get. Seems like maybe I could buy frozen meals at Trader Joe's for way less. Anyone have any thoughts or experience?

Dreams

Okay that does it, I am never going to sleep again!!!!

Last night I had the most horrible dreams ever, and they were so vivid. It seems that once again my anxiety is finding its way into my dreams. I managed to wake myself up twice and even still went back to the same kind of dreams. Dreams which were clearly about the boys (names and all), childbirth, death, and illness. I won't go into detail because I am trying like hell to get the dreams out of my head. I will say the birth in my dreams went well, although it was at 31 weeks. Both boys cried, but then it went downhill from there. Get out of my head get out of my head!!!!

31 Weeks

We are now 31 weeks and only a week away from proving my OB wrong. He speculated I would go into labor before 32 weeks. I am grumpy and part of me wants to complain, but I won't do it, although I may whine a bit. I swore once I was pregnant I wouldn't complain and I would enjoy every minute of it. I am trying, but all I will say is that things are getting mighty uncomfortable and I am super tired of the eye rolls when I ask for help. Errggghhh!!

Today the carpets are getting shampooed, I guess this is my way of nesting. Both the babies room and the play room have a couple of awful stains, which I hope come out today. Not much new.. same old same old. I have NO doctors appointments this week. Crazy huh? I guess since I continue to remain stable they don't want to see me as often. I go back again at 32 weeks.

Oh.... I am in LOVE with hiccups. Aaden gets them quite often and it has got to be one of my favorite things. One night they lasted about 2o minutes. Gabe is a little frightened of them, but yet keeps coming back for more. Seems so odd that FULL TERM is in 6 weeks. I am excited to meet them, but also very nervous. Can I do this? Am I cut out to be a twin Mama? Do we have everything we need? Will the boys be healthy? How long will they stay in the hospital? Will I have a c-section? How will I know when the go to the hospital? I could go on and on and on...

This week, your baby measures over 16 inches long. He weighs about 3.3 pounds (try carrying four navel oranges) and is heading into a growth spurt. He can turn his head from side to side, and his arms, legs, and body are beginning to plump out as needed fat accumulates underneath his skin. He's probably moving a lot, too, so you may have trouble sleeping because your baby's kicks and somersaults keep you up. Take comfort: All this moving is a sign that your baby is active and healthy. http://www.babycenter.com/

A Trip to the Golf Course

Yesterday we decided to get out of the house with my chair in tow.  We went to the local golf course so honey could hit some balls at the driving range and I could lay around and watch.  It just so happened that my camera was in my purse and some great backgrounds were around us.  I wish I would have known because I would have worn something completely different and put on makeup.  So for now (unless we head to the golf course again) this will be our maternity photo shoot, most photos taken by an eleven year old.