Recipes

So I made this slaw... it is pretty good for ZERO... yes ZERO points! Gabe thought it could use a little splenda, so next time I may add a teaspoon of it.

We had it last night with Ground Turkey Sloppy Joe's. I used my Mama's recipe which is Yum-O and swapped the ground beef for ground turkey. I had only 1/2 the bun and Gabe had a full one, but normally he would have had two. He is doing very well.

We both love ground turkey, Gabe was very impressed especially since my Mama's sloppy Joe's and Meat Loaf are a couple of his favorites and he hardly noticed a difference on the Sloppy's. I actually thought they were even better. Gabe really enjoys taking some of favorite meals and adapting them, so far so good.

We also had some lemon sorbet topped with plums and mint from our yard. To drink I had a splash of Light Cranberry juice (made with splenda), calistoga sparking water, and a squeeze of lime. This is my new favorite drink. Super refreshing!



Summer Slaw
Makes 6 servings
POINTS® value 0 per serving

Ingredients
4 cups shredded Napa cabbage (I used coleslaw mix)
1 1/2 cups peeled shredded jicama
2 Tbsp lime juice
2 Tbsp rice vinegar
1 tsp sesame oil
1/2 tsp ground cumin
1/2 tsp salt


Instructions
Toss the cabbage, jicama and radishes in a salad bowl.
Add the lime juice, vinegar, sesame oil, cumin and salt. Toss well to serve. (Store, covered, in the refrigerator for up to 2 days, omit the salt; add it just before serving.)
Serving size: 1 cup.


I had everything on hand for this, so I decided to give it a try for only 1 pt. It was pretty good, not fantastic, but good. I dipped with veggies and a few pita chips. Mine was thinner than I anticipated I think it might be because I used fresh salsa and the juice.

Black Bean Dip
POINTS® Value: 1
Servings: 8
Preparation Time: 5 min
Cooking Time: 0 min
Level of Difficulty: Easy

This crowd-pleasing dip is a snap to make. Add some diced jalapeno peppers or hot sauce if you want it extra spicy.
Ingredients
15 oz canned black beans, rinsed and drained
1 cup cilantro, fresh, leaves, loosely packed, plus extra for garnish
1/2 cup salsa (I had fresh pico de gallo on hand that I made over the weekend)
1/2 cup plain fat-free sour cream
1 tsp ground cumin
1/4 tsp table salt

Instructions
Put all ingredients in a food processor or blender; blend until desired consistency—either chunky or smooth. Spoon dip into a serving bowl and garnish with cilantro. Yields about 1/4 cup of dip per serving.

Yum Yum!

So it has come to my conclusion that I am not losing weight at the speed I once was and in fact I have gained some. Don't get me wrong, I am extremely proud of myself for my weight loss accomplishments (02/08, down 78 pounds since 02/06). I got down to my lowest weight while on birth control pills for the IVF, my body loves being on those... if only I needed them at this point in time things would be dandy. Well the weight was great, but then the stress of moving and renovation wore off and I pumped my body full of hormones and the weight sort of crept on with the drugs and the pregnancy.

I am about 7.5 pounds higher than I was at my lowest in February and not very happy about that. My biggest fear is letting this 7.5 go and then adding even MORE (unless of course it is from a bebe, I would gladly welcome that weight). So... I am stopping it in it's tracks and have begun sticking the the Weight Watchers (WW) plan STRICTLY yet again. I think I may have even gotten Gabe to tag along with the plan.

One of the reasons I love Weight Watchers is because you can still cook flavorful meals. I love to cook (thanks to my Gram), so I have been cooking up a storm and trying to find recipes that we will BOTH enjoy and are healthy for us. I know it is good for me and I feel so good doing it.

I will periodically post some of my new finds.

So here was last night:

Grilled Jalapeño Chicken

1/3 C fresh lime juice
¼ C honey
1/2 a bunch of fresh cilantro
2 Tbsp Soy Sauce
¼ tsp Salt
¼ tsp Pepper
3 Jalapeño peppers; halved and seeded
4 garlic cloves, chopped
6 (6-oz) skinned chicken breast halves
Cooking Spray

Place first 8 ingredients in a blender; process until smooth. Combine mixture and chicken in a large heavy-duty zip-top plastic bag. Seal bag and marinate chicken in refrigerate 1 to 8 hours (I let it marinade for TWO days).

Prepare grill. Remove chicken from bag, reserving marinade. Place chicken on grill rack coated with cooking spray; cover and grill 12 minutes on each side OR until done, basting occasionally with reserve marinade.

6 servings
3 points each
159 Calories
2.6 g Fat
1 g Fiber
60 mg Cholesterol

Super yummy! I have some other recipes to try for this week. I will post them if they are any good. Happy Monday!

The Back-up Plan?

What if... and what next?

Don't get me wrong, I am hopeful... I SWEAR I am hopeful for the FET!!!!!!

I feel that I need to have a back up plan in place. That is just me, I am a planner and nothing is going to change that. I need to have something to move forward to because Christmas is inching closer and I am not sure I am strong enough to go through the holidays childless once again. So, we plan to do a couple of IUI's on injectible medications. We have pretty much been assured now that what we need is injectible medications. I can get pregnant on my own (with left over injects in my system), and I we don't seem to have implantation issues (Beta HCG 2900). So... moving onto an IUI seems like it could also work and save some money too.

What is an IUI?

An IUI -- intrauterine insemination -- is performed by threading a very thin flexible catheter through the cervix and injecting washed sperm directly into the uterus. The whole process doesn't take very long — it usually only requires the insertion of a speculum and then the catheter, a process that maybe takes a couple of minutes (60-90 seconds to introduce the catheter, then sperm injection, and another 60 seconds or so to remove the catheter.

We have done two IUI's in the past using clomid (oral medication), but never on injectible medications. In the past our IUI's were about $900 each. We would need to have probably an extra three appointments/ultrasounds which would put us at about $1500 and then another $1500 for medications. So around $3000 each. I have been saving $ like a crazy women so we will be ready to financially jump right into a heavily medicated IUI. I question it because the odds of multiples are EXTREMELY high with IUI's (have you ever seen Jon & Kate plus 8?... Yes she did IUI's).

See with IVF we can see the embryo's fertilize and then put back one, two, or three. With an IUI that is NOT an option, we hope for five or six eggs and then hope only two of them fertilize. This leads me to the question do we wait and save more money for another round of IVF ($13,000) which has less risk of multiples and also a higher success rate or do we give it a shot because I just don't want to wait anymore and I want to be a Momma so bad it aches down to my bones?

Frozen Embryo Transfer

Good news, good news, and more good news! We got scheduled for our FET (Frozen Embryo Transfer). Gabe's kareyotype came back normal, and our baseline appointment went flawless! Yahhooooooo!!!!

Tenative transfer date is set for July 19th of our six day old blastocyst. Gabe and I went to our baseline appointment which was just a check up, some blood work, and an ultrasound. We were told that everything was "perfect" and that my ovaries were " beautiful." Hehehehe. Smiles at our house this week and hopefully all month.

I look forward to a month full of hope and smiles. I am no where near as hopeful as I was with the fresh cycle, but I am excited and slightly hopeful.

What a Relief...

So the doctor at Stanford had asked both Gabe and I to run one test to rule out a possible reason for the miscarriage. This test was called Karyotype and it was an analysis of our chromosomes. I did my test on 5/20/08 and just today finally saw the results today. Mine came back NORMAL! Yippee, what a relief.

Since Gabe has Kaiser, we took his lab slip there. They refused to pay for the test, so we instead just went to QVH and paid to have his labs done there. Yet another cost, but well worth it for the peace of mind. Hopefully we get his results back soon. I don't anticipate his being abnormal, but lets keep our fingers crossed none the less.

Semi small breakdown yesterday about the what if's and the what next's, but I quickly got over it. I have to stay focused on the right now's. What will be will be and no sense in dwelling on how we will come up with the funds for future treatments just yet. So for now, I am doing my best to eat well, keep stress free and just wait patiently. Easier said than done!

Thankful

I have been MIA from this blog for awhile.  Just trying to take things one day at a time. Tonight, I am thankful!  Today was a nice day, which made me thankful for where I am, what I have become, what I have learned about myself, who I want to be, and who and what is important.  

As for Stanford we are a go as soon as I start my next cycle, and the RE (reproductive endocrinologist) wants me to be thankful for the fact that I was able to achieve a pregnancy on my very own.  By this happening, we were able to rule out so many possible problems.   I am thinking maybe two weeks from now we will be at Stanford again planning our Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET).  I am not putting all my eggs in one basket, but am still extremely hopeful that it may very well work, but I definitely feel I need to have a plan in place in case it doesn't.

Soooo... I went online today to research "fertility loans" for the possible back up plan.  You should have seen Gabe's face when I told him the monthly payment.  I was honestly quite please with the $390 a month for 5 years, but I take it he wasn't.  Honestly $390 a month to have our dreams come true is nothing.  I thought about what we could cut out and what we could do to earn the extra money and it seemed somewhat do-able (hhuumm... not a word).  Then... I thought some more and realized that ideally (and hopefully) along with this monthly payment comes a daycare bill nine months later of about $650 a month... hahaha.  Oh well, somehow it all works out.  Somehow we will make it work, I can honestly tell you I would give up anything and work anywhere and do anything to make this dream of ours a reality.  

Lately after lots of thinking and praying I have come to the conclusion that it WILL work.  We just need the money and the procedures to make it work.  I have realized that I am thankful for what we have and where we are now.  I have realized that I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and instead be thankful for my marvelous husband, my fantastic friends and family, and our exciting new journey as home owners.  We have so much that others only dream of.  We are in fact missing one thing, but I know that eventually we WILL have that one thing.  Whether it be a baby I give birth to or a baby we adopt, we will have it someday and somehow.  I need to stop thinking of the "tick tock" and just remember that eventually we will make it work.  I am thankful, and in so many ways I am happy.  The rollercoaster has slowed down, and is bearable tonight.  

Isn't It Ironic?

It's like rain on your wedding day,

It's a free ride when you already paid,

It's the good advice that you just didn't take

And who would have thought....it figures

For those of you who we didn't have a chance to call last night, what I am about to tell you may come as a shock.  At this time, I am in pure shock and disbelief.

As you all know our well built up in-vitro cycle failed, we had a blood test which clearly stated this and a period that showed up the day after the blood test.  The next cycle was to be a "break/rest" cycle (April).  This was our chance to re-group and decide where to go next.  We were told that it may be a strange cycle, I may ovulate early, not at all, or very late and things may be abnormal.

So we did just as we were told and took a break.  We put all of it aside and tried to move on and honestly we quite enjoyed the break.  No obsessing over symptoms or popping the vitamins, and taking temperatures.  I started spotting the day before we left for Mexico and assumed that I would be starting my period soon and the cycle was just a very short one.  My period never started while gone on vacation so I blew it off and assumed that this was just going to be a crazy cycle because of the drugs and procedures from the previous month.

Boy am I kicking myself today.  Last night we went to the ER for heavy bleeding and clots.  After some time and an uncomfortable procedure I was finally able to get them a clear urine sample.  Not too long after that I was told that a urine pregnancy test lit up like a Christmas tree.  At that point we were in udder shock, followed by the news that with that amount of bleeding it was unlikely that things would be okay.

To cut a 5 1/2 hour ER visit short, they are pretty sure that it has ended (more blood tests to come later this week.) Last night I had an HCG beta count of 2900, hearing that number we were shocked once again.  With our miscarriage two years ago our numbers only got as high as 322.  That put us farther along then we expected, and to have seen nothing on the ultrasound with that high of a beta is not good.  

We will never know the cause and I have been told that it was nothing I did.  I keep thinking... had I been more careful would it have turned out differently?  I feel just awful... the boogie boarding, the jumping off the rocks into the water, the sushi I ate, the coffee and margaritas I drank, the prenatal and progesterone supplements I skipped... I feel sick!  I know that beating myself up won't change anything, but I can't help it.

I am at a loss for words and feelings.  Part of me is a bit thankful for the hope.  The hope that it in deed can happen on it's very own without medical help.  I am also thankful that I didn't realize it a week ago.  I can't even imagine having taken a test and getting excited and telling you all to only have it end like this.

Who knows how or why this happened, but we are sure that it was NOT the in-vitro procedure showing up late.  We can speculate that maybe the birth control pills and hormones jump started things with my body.  We can only hope that is the case and this miscarriage was just a fluke and the next time things will be fine.  Miscarriages are common, but wow.... WHEN CAN I CATCH A BREAK?

Today I am at home because I was told to rest, but I plan to go back to work tomorrow.  Dwelling on this and beating myself will only make it worse.  All I can think is WHY ME?  WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHAT IF? WHAT IF? After years of trying, the one time I am oblivious to the situation it happens.  This roller-coaster is broken!  I am afraid to be on it and I want off NOW!

As for Stanford, we are waiting for a response.  We were told that we may need to take a few months of for my body to rest.  Gabe is proud of me for being strong, I wish I was only as strong as he thinks I am.  I am saddened by the way this turned out, but thankful that it happened.  I can only pray that this will lead us to an explanation or another chance with a happy ending.

Thank you all for your love and support.

Tiffany

Fall

So, Gabe and I were listening to this song together the other night and we decided that the words reflected what he has been feeling lately towards me. I thought I would share.

Fall
By: Clay Walker

oh look there you go again
puttin on that smile again
even though i know you've had a bad day
doin this doin that
always puttin yourself last
a whole lotta give and not enough take

but you can only be strong so long before you break
so..

fall
go on and fall apart
fall into these arms of mine
i'll catch you
everytime you fall
go on and lose it all
every doubt
every fear
every worry
every tear
i'm right here
baby fall

forget about the world tonight
all thats wrong and all thats right
lay your head on my shoulder let it fade away
and if you wanna let go it's okay

fall
go on and fall apart
fall into these arms of mine
i'll catch you
everytime you fall
go on and lose it all
every doubt
every fear
every worry
every tear
i'm right here
baby fall

hold on
hold on
hold onto me

Gotta Love Him

So after a week of sleepless nights, not much eating, a bit of depression, and a lot of tears. I told Gabe I wanted to take a long break and that I wasn't strong enough to go on another ride just yet.

God bless him for pulling me up. He texted me "You are strong enough! We aren't stopping until we have a baby in our arms. Don't get discouraged, I love you." He is right.... I can do this, we have come so far and I will do it as long as he is next to me because the end result is priceless.

I have also decided to be more optimistic about the frozen transfer... again I say that no matter how excited or optimistic I am... bad news is bad news either way, so I think I am going to let myself be hopeful. I have been reading about somethings that might help, so I will try them all... ANYTHING IS WORTH A SHOT.

Avoid stress, pray my heart out, no low or fat free milk products, no caffeine, no alcohol, Whey protein shakes twice a day, eat meals high in protein and low in carbs, prenatal vitamins, folic acid, iron supplements, acupuncture twice a week, baby aspirin daily, keep my feet warm at ALL times, lots of pineapple with the core, no lotions, perfumes, or strong smells, Egg McMuffin sandwich the day of transfer (something to do with the grease and the egg helping implantation)
STRICT BEDREST, think positive, no doggies or kitties jumping on my belly, avoid sneezing and coughing, no stairs, and no lifting of anything over 5 lbs.

Some of this may seem a little crazy, and most of this I did in March, but it can't hurt to try it all in May.

25 Years Later

http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/23898180?GT1=43001