Miracles Come In Pairs

The Challenge

2012-02-01T09:47:00.000-08:00

I have officially challenged myself "30 pounds by my 30th Birthday!" My 30th Birthday is May 24th, which means I have almost four months to lose 21 more pounds. Can I do it? Sure I can, but it will be HARD, that is a lot of weight. It will put me at my pre-twins weight and would allow me to feel oh so confident in myself. So there it is my HUGE challenge. My amazing DH is already down 22 pounds, he is such a ROCKSTAR, and I am down 9, which is isn't too shabby, but a long way to thirty. Ugh! So there it is people, now help keep my motivated.

No post would be complete without a little picture catch up:

Cousins on NYE

Cuddling with Uncle Bailey, poor dog is now blind and deaf, he is 16 years old

Noah loves the fishy fishy

Playing around at the cabin

Hudson Sinclair 4 months old

The Bathroom

2012-01-19T14:32:00.000-08:00

Well HELLO world, here I am! I bet ya thought I fell off the face of the earth? No... just BUSY!

So much has been changing and happening, but it took a funny story for me to find a minute to be able to sit down and blog. I have SO much to share, so let's see what I can cram into this tiny bit of ME time.

So on mornings I don't go to work (oh YES work, I am back at it about 13 hours a week) the boys (if not already in bed from the night before... sigh... have I mentioned how much I hate toddler beds?) climb into bed with me and we cuddle and watch Sprout for about 20 minutes or until someone gets down and starts causing some sort of chaos. Well the other morning things were pretty normal, the twins were in my bed and Baby H was still snoozing in his crib (yes he is STILL an amazing sleeper and also now sleeps in his crib,) I got up and went to the bathroom. Our room is not very big so when looking for a bassinet for Baby H we searched and searched to find a small one that could fit between our bed and the wall. On this same wall is the bathroom and the bathroom door which opens outward. I bet your wheels are starting to turn now... YUP! So there I was in the bathroom with the door shut and locked so the animals couldn't barge in on me, I hear some noise and laughing which is nothing new. In the back of my mind I think about the bassinet and the problem that could arise if someone decided to mess around with it, but NAH that's not what is happening...

I brush my teeth, slip on my slippers and open the door. BAM.. 1/4" is all it will go! Aaden wheeled the bassinet in front of the door pinning me in the bathroom. My heart starts pounding and I start screaming, a million things run through my head as I envision my fat ass trying to climb out of the tiny bathroom window or screaming for my neighbor. Two minutes in and my voice is hoarse from screaming for him to move the thing and Aaden giggles and moves the bassinet back up towards the head of my bed so I can make my way out of the bathroom. I come out with my hands on my hips and a not very friendly look on my face and there is Aaden with a puppy dog face and as he shrugs his shoulders and says "what Mama?" Moral of the story is MOVE the damn bassinet or bring your cell phone in the bathroom so you can call someone to save you.

Oh and speaking of my fat ass, it is now 5 pounds lighter. About a week into the new year DH and I decided something had to give. We are using an amazing app called My Fitness Pal which helps track your calories and tells you how many you should have per day. It is EYE OPENING, he is down 15 and we are NEVER looking back. We want to be healthy and active for our kids and I cannot wait to spend the Summer in my bathing suit swimming and running through the sprinklers with my kids.

So so so much is going on and we might have some exciting new changes coming up. Please please cross your fingers for us, I am not going to share as I don't want to jinx anything.

I think about blogging ALL the time, but nights are hopeless now with the twins fighting bed time until about 9. Then from 9 - 10 Hudson has a nice long feeding and cuddle session with Mommy. My only time anymore is nap time, which is pretty much fully devoted to cleaning up the tornado caused from the morning and doing laundry. Things are clearly NOT getting any less hectic or easier. Not a day goes by that I don't want to pull my hair out, BUT not a day goes by that I don't laugh, smile, and feel like I am going to burst from happiness at being the Mommy to these little boys.

Happy New Year

2011-12-31T14:42:00.000-08:00

To My Dear Sweet Twins

2011-12-22T21:25:00.000-08:00

Dear N&A,

Today you entered boy hood in a silly way! Today you went to the dentist and made the first big step in becoming responsible little people. Much to my surprise you handled it all pretty well. I had these envisions of you guys biting the dentist or clenching your jaws shut tight, but with the dentist expertise and your Mama holding you in the chair it went rather well. You have joined the ranks of BOYS, no longer our babies but real true members of society complete with health questionnaires and handing off your SSNs.

To you my sweet members of society please remember that NOTHING is handed to you! In order to live life and enjoy things you must work for it. In order to give, you DON'T have to receive. ALWAYS appreciate those who go out of their way for you. Even being wee ones you can still make an effort with drawing a card or making a gift. In order to smile you don't have to be super happy, do it to make some one else smile. Always send a thank you card if you don't get to open the gift in front of the giver. Tell people you care about them for no darn good reason because you NEVER know when they might not be there.

Open doors for people, tell women they are beautiful, give compliments, say God Bless you when some one sneezes, help a stranger in need, always try your best, never give up, always kiss your spouse goodnight.

Even if you happen to get spoiled please remember that there are people less fortunate than you and be THANKFUL for what you are given. Never ever take for granted the friends you have or the people who make efforts for you. Always always love your Brothers and always always know that your Mommy and Daddy think the world of you even when you are driving us crazy.

Continue to pat, kiss, hug, and rub your Mommy's hair because it truly makes her think she is the most important person in the world. Know that life might not always be this way and please please always appreciate special gestures and acts of kindness from other people.

You boys going to the dentist taught me that not only do I have to be sure you step up and take care of your teeth for the future, you must step up and be real men. Don't be afraid to get dirty, cook, clean, and lend your hand to the women who love you so much. Watch your Daddy as he mows the lawn, decorates with Christmas lights or puts tons of effort into BBQing yummy meals and strive to be the man he is. Nothing my pair EVER comes easy. Even if we push you it means we love you. We are instilling in you the things that we think will make you good men. Please remember that you don't have to do a good deed to be rewarded with a prize, do a good deed because it's the right thing! Always always say please and thank you and appreciate when someone goes out of their way.

You my sweet duo in deed make me yearn for breaks and long showers, but also make me realize what love, sibling love, and pure innocence is and have made me a different woman.

You my duo along with your Baby and your Daddy are all I live for. You have taught me a different me... one I hate sometimes, one that gets frustrated more than I thought I would, one that is smelly for lack of shower, one that has truly come to appreciate who the helpful people are, and one that doesn't take a little break for granted. One that will never ever take special moments for grated.

I love you N&A... and the big boy teeth you are growing.

Christmas Photo Shoot

2011-12-13T14:43:00.000-08:00

So recently I have been poking around on pinterest and saw a few cute ideas for poses and such for a newborn at Christmas time. I had four loads of laundry that I was planning to fold during naptime today, but instead THIS is what I did. Much to my surprise they turned out better than I had hoped. I guess it helps when you have a gorgeous model to work with!

Cookies, Santa, and More

2011-12-12T15:29:00.000-08:00

These boys love olives

3 months!

Noah is in love with this guy, he sings and dances

Hudson is getting in the holiday season

Cookies!

Sad, when that is the best picture we got of all three, but oh well it's still cute

There are these boys who stole my heart, they call me Mom!

The trains now go everywhere with him.

The Zoo and More

2011-12-06T15:34:00.000-08:00

As an update the five minute child is doing MUCH better. Now that sleeping is back to normal he has been less needy and has been spending much more time playing trains and giving Mommy a free minute.

In toddler bed news naps go really really well with Noah in Hudson's room and Aaden in their room. The biggest tip I have for anyone is to remove most of the toys. We narrowed the toys in the room down to this one large bucket. At naps and bedtime that large bucket is then moved into the hallway. This helped IMMENSELY! Also HUGELY helpful for twins, we pushed their beds together. I plan to slowly start moving them apart, but for now I don't mind, it just shows how much they love each other and it helps for them to feel safe. Also helpful with a new special lullaby CD I made along with a special "cars" nightlight. Last night marked one week and it was the first time they were asleep around their normal bedtime and I NEVER had to go back in the room to get them back in their beds. I know we still have some hurdles to cross, but for now it's going well.

In Hudson news he is still a perfect angel. He never ever wakes at night and is playing a lot more and staying awake much more during the day. He is a chunky monkey fitting well in 3-6 month clothes and size 2 diapers.

Noah is INSANELY in love with animals, so we spotted and awesome Groupon deal and off we went to the zoo. He loves ALL animals and can even name them, he named off an OSTRICH. What two year old knows that?

Without further ado... THE ZOO!

The Lion Sleeps TONIGHT!

(and you MUST raise your hands up for some reason when you say tonight.) Love love that sweet voice, he's already following in Daddy's footsteps.

Photo Card

2011-12-04T15:20:00.001-08:00

Christmas Snapshots Christmas

Create personalized Christmas cards. at Shutterfly.com.

View the entire collection of cards.

Maybe I Jinxed Myself

2011-11-30T16:29:00.000-08:00

After I wrote that post this morning both boys went down insanely easy for a nap. Noah for two hours and Aaden for 2 1/2 which gave me some special Noah time and lots of Hudson and clean up time. I feel like a new woman and EVEN better ever since Aaden woke up he has been a different kid. Calm, playing with his trains, and actually sharing with Noah. Poor little dude just needed to get used to the bed change and get in a nice long nap. Not to say he still isn't hyper, active, and needy, but the little break sure made me feel better. Smiles and no tears at the moment.

My Five Minute Child

2011-11-30T11:11:00.000-08:00

I sit here writing almost in tears and I know I only have five minutes to write this. I am writing this in hopes that in a couple of years I can look back on this and laugh, not to whine about poor me or make anyone who isn't a Mommy yet upset. Before I go on please KNOW that I love each and every one of my children and NEVER EVER EVER would I want things to be different, but holy CRAP this is hard! Never did I imagine things would be this exhausting, never did I imagine that one of my children would take 89% of my time.

I love my Aaden with ALL my heart and I love his spunk and energy, but he is a five minute child. What does that mean you ask? NOTHING holds his attention longer than five minutes. No movie, no toy, no art project, no box of puzzles, no helping Mommy, no dancing and singing around the house, the only thing that might last a touch longer is destruction!

Not only does nothing keep his attention he only enjoys things that are dangerous and messy. He is not a toy kind of kid. If, yes IF I make it into the bathroom for two minutes alone I KNOW that once I turn the corner to the living room he WILL be into something. Most recently he has learned to scale the kitchen counter and grab whatever he can. Chapstick, food, my phone, anything he can get to. If I make my way into the garage to do laundry he follows through the dog door and wants to help.. "A-Day do it!" To which of course I let him, but that means it takes three times as long and the other two are inside without me even longer. If I am cooking he will cry at my feet until I finally allow him to get a stool (out of the toy dungeon in the garage where we hide most toys these days.) Oh and INDEPENDENT no longer can I put on his carseat buckles, shirt or socks and shoes.. "A-Day do it!"

I love love love my boy to pieces, but he is ALWAYS at my side. I try to eat, he wants to share my plate. I fold laundry and he helps, BUT then once the clothes are in the basket folded and I turn my back for a split second he flips the basket and uses it as a stool. Their room is almost empty, each time he mis-uses a toy it enters the toy dungeon. We have a baby gate on their door, but yes he can scale that too.

He has now gone four days with no nap, mostly in part to the toddler bed switcheroo we did. Both boys were climbing out of their cribs, so to avoid the looming danger of falling we switched. I could write a whole post about that, but I will save it until we have more days under our belt and more stories, but honestly bed time is not going all that bad.

Most of all I feel bad for the other boys who are NOT getting all the attention they should from me. I hold Hudson, and guess what "hold A-Day for a second Mommy?" *Sigh. This too shall pass I know, but right now as my boy is scaling the side of my chair trying to push buttons on the laptop I have a tear in my eye and a smile. It's a mix of emotions and I cannot wait for this phase to pass AND to have nap time back. Noah is getting to nap in Hudson's room which is working out, but Aaden's naptime is pure destruction of the bedroom and me putting him back in bed about 50 times until finally it has been 1.5 hours and nap time is over.

I know that a lot of this destruction and craziness is coming from being overly tired, he is the kid who when he is tired acts more hyper instead of sleepy. ANY advice you could give on my five minute child would be of great help. The best for him is getting out and doing things, but with three little kids it's not easy to get out nor is their really anywhere we can go other than the park.

UPDATE
Both boys ASKED to go Nite-Nite and went to sleep within five minutes without a peep. In separate rooms of course, but still I am one happy Mommy!!!!! Hoping a lot of this craziness the last few days is from the lack of sleep. I sure love my sweet boy, but Mama needs a tiny break every once in awhile.

Thanksgiving and Decorating for Christmas

2011-11-26T15:21:00.000-08:00

For Thanksgiving we decided to change our tradition up a little. Normally we spend it at my Grandma's house about 30 minutes away. This year we opted for Thanksgiving up at our families lake house about and hour and a half away. We had a ball and it was great to be able to spend more time together.

The day after Thanksgiving we went out tree hunting and got to decorate, we had a ball decorating. The boys are already super excited for Christmas.

Decorating my babies

Aaden really?

Our crazy duo

Who doesn't love olives on the fingers?

Aaden and Great-Grammy

Noah's favorite was the cranberry jello salad, rolls with butter, and the turkey. He LOVED the turkey!

Aaden loved the mashed potatoes and corn. Sounds like my Mom, that is her favorite part too. Mine is the stuffing covered in gravy. In fact I think my favorite part is pretty much just the gravy.

Hudson and Great Aunt Lisa

Our Little Cheeseball

Aaden loving on his Grammy

Having a ball throwing rocks

Fishing with Papa Wayne

Taking a walk with Great Papa Boyd

Tree hunting

Thankful

2011-11-24T00:00:00.000-08:00

There is no doubt what I am thankful for this year. These little guys and their Daddy. This house full of boys has made my life both hectic and complete. Happy Thanksgiving from our crazy bunch to yours.

Halloween and a Little Picture Catch Up

2011-11-23T08:52:00.000-08:00

Halloween evening was full of ups and downs, while Aaden had the time of his life poor Noah bear was sick with a throat and ear infection. He managed to make the best of it and made it to five houses or so.

Thankfully the Saturday before Halloween he was feeling okay so we got out and went to a Halloween party and he was able to play around and have fun in his costume.

After we made it around our street on Halloween night No-ey went back to the house with Daddy and Baby Hudson. Aaden on the other hand was a trooper we combed the neighborhood on FOOT. As a Mom of three it is VERY rare to go somewhere without a stroller or wagon in tow so this was sort of a treat for me. He did awesome, saying "thank you" to everyone and even trying to muster up "trick or treat." After someone gave him candy he would shake his bag and smile. If a house was dark and sort of scary he would say "Mommy I no like it," or "Mommy I no want candy." Halloween with forever be a great memory for us, although a little bittersweet that No-ey couldn't enjoy it more.

On our way to the party

Picking out his pumpkin to decorate "A-Day do it!"

Our little Ernie

Yup folks, that is the best we are going to get for a picture

Trick or Treat

Two months

Our Major Cutie

Mama's little helper

Bath time fun

Apprehensive

2011-11-14T23:07:00.000-08:00

I have so much I should be writing about, Halloween sickies and melting hearts watching my bugs trick or treat, the grown up trip away, or my new Hudson tattoo. But NO here I am writing about my apprehensions for the holiday season.

I feel like a complete ASS for feeling apprehensive about this time of year. I remember before I had kids I thought all I needed to be happy and never ever break a smile was to have a child. I looked around at people with kids and wondered how they could ever be unhappy. Last year at this time I was feeling amazed and excited for sharing this joyous time with my wee ones. But then the season came and went with so many mixed emotions that now this time has somehow become one that gives me mixed emotions.

My Great Aunt passed the first week of 2011 and I have NEVER spent a Christmas without her since I was born. This alone makes me want to cry, not to mention 98% of my Thanksgivings have been spent with her as well. Thinking about how it is going to feel with her not at our table brings tears to my eyes. Tonight my DH offered to make the yams, she always made the yams. Aunt Ladora will be greatly missed.

December also brings the month I am to go back to work and right now I want NOTHING to do with it. I truly don't know how I can. As soon as I turn that calendar page I know I am supposed to be heading back to work. We are still trying to figure out what we can sell or do to enable me to be able to stay home at least through the month of December. Just thinking about turning that page makes me want to cry.

The day after Christmas is always one of those days that is never someones favorite. It is the day that you look around and realize it is time to pack up all the decorations that make you smile and move back into regular life and away from all the fun festivities. Well the day after Christmas last year an event happened. It was full of hormones, tears, emotions, sadness, and change.

In part to that, I found out I was pregnant with Hudson, it was a bittersweet day due to events of the day and the mixed emotions. This was a secret I carried with me for 24 hours. A secret and surprise I was trying to let sink in. To some of you who are trying to become moms or are only the mommy to one you may not get this, but I was a Mommy of two active little boys whom were only 15 months old. That positive pregnancy test was not something I thought I would see for another year or two if EVER. However, it is by far the best surprise I have ever received and truly completes me.

Let me try to put it this way. Ya know when you walk through Costco and you see that amazing vacuum? The one that is super expensive, but yet works amazing and would make your life amazing and smiley to have it? (Sorry I am a cleaner what can I say?) You think someday I will have that and all will be happy, but yes right now isn't the right time. But then the DH goes out and buys you that vacuum with your joint money for your Birthday! You think oh crap I so so wanted this and I am happy, but how in the heck can we afford this or handle this fantastic of a vacuum with the other loud crazy vacuums we have? AND what the heck... why did DH buy me a cleaning product for my Birthday? Yup that is sort of how I was feeling. PLUS add a HUGE amount of PURE SHOCK and yes I will say it ... WTF HOW DID THIS HAPPEN? It takes three IVFs to have babies around here! Shock pure shock!

Well, here we are almost one year later and my expensive vacuum is laying next to me in his hand me down boppy and PJs, and I wouldn't have it any other way. He is the vacuum I always wanted, he completes our family and makes me happy. I always knew how much I wanted him, but just wasn't sure when was right, but God showed us and blessed us just when we least expected it. True blessings really do come when you least expect it.

The bugs are excited for this Holiday season and I am going to do my very best to put all the funky emotions and sadness behind me and enjoy every single moment of this season with the four most amazing men ever. I am so extremely blessed and these little boys are going to be so very fun this year.

I will leave you with this: How The Grinch Stole Christmas came on the TV last night and Aaden's face lit up and he smiled from ear to ear. I said "Aaden it's Christmas!' He said "No Mama, it's Santa!'

You don't have to ask what I am thankful for this year, I have NEVER EVER EVER been more thankful and it's for the four creatures sleeping in the next rooms.

Cream of Mushroom Soup

2011-11-09T19:40:00.000-08:00

I used to think I was above it... I could do without it. Why would I need this can of soup? I will cook my kids high quality meals and never use canned anything. Yada yada hahahaah! Well... REALITY CHECK! I have three kids barely two and under. YES, you should see what happens when I say that... people start calculating in their head and then say "what?"

So yes the other day at Target I grabbed that can. I knew that it could make me a meal fast. Well at the supermarket I scored a big tray of thin cut pork chops on sale for $3.15 and thought.. "eh!"

Well there ya have it, tonight was a little hectic so I seasoned the chops and seared them off. I took them out and in the same pan added the dreaded soup, a bit of white wine (of course making sure to pour myself a glass), and some dijon mustard. Then I put the chops back in and stuck them in the oven for 10 minutes.

The DH came home and my ultra domestic Mom of three self stuck one of those Trader Joes three minute rice bags in the microwave and threw together a salad.

Wouldn't ya know it, my short cut meal got a DH compliment and the kids ate it, and WELL I was slightly impressed to. Darn you cream of mushroom soup and your evilness. Dinner for 4 for $5.00.

20 Minutes in Our House

2011-11-04T21:45:00.000-07:00

Here is a typical 20 minutes in our house... HOWEVER.... YES they did get away with WAY more than they normally would. I applaud you if you actually watch this. Some day I am sure we will all get a kick out of how they talked and things they did.

Cell Phone Pic Overload

2011-11-02T15:49:00.000-07:00

I did an update on my phone the other day, which means my pics and videos came over too. A little but of an overload I know, but I just had to share.

Today and tomorrow I did and will be doing things I never thought I would do. Today I packed up maternity and outgrown Hudson clothes and will NOT be saving anything. Tomorrow I will be getting an IUD, which is some pretty darn permanent birth control. Looks like we are closing up shop. In so so many ways it makes me sad, but I know that three is a perfect number for us and we have been so very blessed. I just didn't think it would be this hard to call it final!

Meeting Mickey!!!!!

Lion... RAWRRRR!!!!

I will get the remote Mom

Lion King!

Smarty pants

Lion King makes me smile

Mickey's House

I know my letters

I know my numbers

Lion King some more

A little chat with Aaden

Rock out

Our little rocker

Daddy's Birthday

Zoom zoom!!

Popcorn and a movie, spoiled boys

The slippers Aaden wore for four days straight

That lip...

Mommy's first time taking a walk alone to the store with the boys

First time wearing shoes!

Dad and his boys

Birthday outfits from Mima

Four weeks old

It's football season

Coming home after Daddy's first day back to work, he missed his boys

A night with Grammy babysitting. Hi Mommy!

Mommy loves her Hudson

Yes, I am king of the stroller

Mommy loves Day-Day

Upgrading our sticker

These boots are made for walking

Our little sock monkey

Got to keep Hudson safe from his crazy Brothers while Mommy uses the potty

Aaden loves his brother

It's swaddle time

Bath time

A little smile from our guy

Our own little Mickey Mouse

Somebody loves Simba

Bath time

It's Elmo!

It's me.. Mommy the Pumpkin head

This Little Cowboy..

2011-10-28T09:21:00.000-07:00

This little cowboy not only got his 8 week shots and check up yesterday, but also saw the cardiologist. I am thrilled to announce that Hudson's VSD (hole in his heart) is shrinking. It went from 3mm down to 1.8mm and should be gone in the next six months or so. I always wanted to stay positive, but I will say I had some major moments of doubt and fear the last couple weeks. So now knowing that we are headed in the right direction makes me calm and hopeful.

Hudson now weighs 12 lbs. 3 oz. and is 23 3/4". He is cooing and smiling and sleeping about 7 hours at night. He pretty much only cries when he is hungry, he is a delightful baby and so very easy. I am not quite sure what I did without him. He completes us!

Halloween Festivities

2011-10-24T14:31:00.000-07:00

The pumpkin patch is one of my favorite places to take pictures, and this year was even more fun than the last. I got the best of both worlds, active toddlers having a ball and a sleepy baby willing to pose just about anywhere.

Look at all the "munkins!"

Super cheese!

Our little duo is growing up so fast

Our little pumpkin

Hudson Sinclair - Day One

2011-10-19T16:26:00.000-07:00

Solutions and Smiles

2011-10-18T20:16:00.000-07:00

I am grinning ear to ear tonight. We have solutions! As you all know, I am a PLANNER! Sometimes TOO much of a planner. I am the one who stays awake at night and plans and make lists and thinks WAY too far in advance. Well the one thing I couldn't figure out was working. I wanted to work for the money and my sanity, but yet all the childcare solutions were at the least $100 a day for three kids, which meant I was working for the childcare.

As you all know my Grandma has always been my Thursday help, BUT my Mom is also off work on Thursdays. So it has always been sort of a bum deal for me working, but a super fun day for the kiddos, they get both Grammy and Great Grammy. Well... I talked to my Grandma and she has agreed to take on two Wednesdays a month with all three kiddos and two Thursdays a month. My Mom has also committed to the other two Thursdays a month. So today I asked my employer about that and they were all for it!!! Which means I will soon be a working Mom of three with NO childcare fees. I will work 6 days a month / 50+ hours which will give us the income we need and the grown up, using my brain, keeping my foot in the door time.

We are approaching 8 weeks off with baby boy, which to many means time to go back to work, but here in California we have a family leave act which will allow me another 6 weeks. So my plan is to get my foot back in the door December/January. I am so thankful to yet again have the best of both worlds. I love my job, and I love being home, but neither do I really want to do exclusively. We are so very blessed to be able to make this work.

In other news I do very much so have PPD. I scored very high on the charts and was quickly put on meds. Those meds in turn turned me into a complete zombie. No emotion at all and very tired. I have stopped taking them and have realized I would rather my other feelings vs. the zombie. On the up side I think I am taking a turn for the best. I am doing pretty good and feel that most of it is just normal being a Mom to three kids two and under and not really anxiety/PPD. The best thing for us is getting out, so we have been walking or going to the park every day. The rain is when things get gloomy, but thankfully we turned our garage into a mini back yard. Trampoline, teeter totter, etc so that has seemed to help, but right now the weather here is absolutely amazing so we are still soaking it up in the backyard, park and on walks.

In major smiles tonight I think I may have solved MANY problems. See... I had been wanting to put the boys into Pre-School, but being the cost and also the new cut off date for Kindergarten it would mean they would be in pre-school for three years at $140 a week for only two days. I didn't really need two day care, but that was the minimum. I was really wanting them to socialize, but at that price with me not working made no sense at all. But tonight something clicked... THE GYM!!!! I am joining a local gym. We will walk to the gym, they will socialize with other kids for a max time of two hours, I will get my some what old body back, AND I will get a little break and Mommy time. It's a WIN WIN WIN WIN situation all for under $100 a month. I am so excited I can hardly stand it.

Now the question is.. when to start? Hudson can go as early as six weeks, but I am thinking it maybe best to wait until after his shots. Speaking of shots and Hudson as of this moment my son has no health insurance... GASP.. HISS! I know right? How does this happen? We are HUGE on making sure we are covered. In fact my office sells health insurance. Well... my plan is a family plan so whether I have one child or five the cost is the same. So I knew the cost and had been mailing a check to my employer. I saw info come from my insurance provider with Hudson's name on it and just carried on and figured he got added. No new card, as all the kids just use the card with my name on it anyways, they never got one with their own. Well.. yesterday I took Hudson to his anxiously awaited cardiologist appointment and was informed he had no coverage and my plan only showed two dependents. What? No way.. how could this be? Sure enough Hudson never got added to my plan, the things I got with his name were from when he was covered under me for his first 30 days of life. It completely slipped my mind to even mention it to my office managed since I saw info come in the mail from the insurance company with his name and she too never thought about it. Well it turns out now that he is not eligible until November one because he was not added in his first 30 days of life. So a little scary, but beings we in fact sell insurance in my office we should be able to bypass this and he should have coverage in a few days. Right now his 8 week shots and cardiologist appointment are on hold, but hopefully we can get them both taken care of next week.

Now here are some shots of my special little guys. So happy to be able to type a post with smiles and solutions.

Disneyland

2011-10-17T16:46:00.000-07:00

I must say going into this I wasn't so sure how well the kids would do. A 7 hour car ride each way, long lines for rides, numerous time spent in the stroller. BUT it was AMAZING! The kids all of them did fantastic. Did we have some melt downs? Of course, but very few and the expressions on their faces were priceless. The memories are some I will forever have and I don't regret this trip what so ever. In fact I actually cried yesterday when we had to come home, and I actually cried when the boys met Mickey. I cried about coming home mostly because our fun and vacation was over, but also because I was sad to be home and alone again. I truly truly needed that extra help for a few days. I very rarely ask for it, but wow extra hands are helpful. Someone to help with diapers, jammies, but mostly someone to just play with them, hold them and make them giggle. I very very rarely ever get the time to just stop and play with my boys and make it all about them. Something ALWAYS has to be done. So knowing that a toilet didn't have to be scrubbed or that someone else was cleaning up after breakfast made me happy. Loving on my boys made me happy. Having extra hands and eyes made me happy. Relaxing in a hot tub after the boys went down instead of folding laundry made me happy.

We took two cars for the drive. One Gabe, myself, a twin, and Hudson. This allowed me to climb back in the middle to entertain the kids. Half way through the twins switched which helped SO much.

The only downfall to the trip were the crazy hot temperatures. The first day it was 104. Then our first day in the park it was 97. The next couple days were not near as bad, but still pretty warm. I cannot believe how well the boys did in line and how many rides we actually rode.

We needed this, I needed this. The boys and all of us had an amazing time. Even the grown ups went on about four rides which was nice. We quickly learned that it would be Aaden who was more cautious, we all thought it would be Noah.

Swimming at our rental house.

What a brilliant idea the Hubs had, about the same of even less than a couple hotel rooms. So nice to have a big playroom full of toys, a pool, hot tub, two high chairs, baby swings, and all kinds of kids stuff already there. The boys even got a room with red bunk beds and each slept in bottom big boy beds with no problems. Downfall was the distance. It was about a 5 minute drive which then meant using the parking garage which was super far away too.

Little Noah swimmer boy

So much fun playing in the pool with my guys

Aaden is so brave in the water and had so much fun playing with Daddy

Even Hudson had a swim

In line for Jungle Cruise

True love on the Jungle Cruise

Pizza in Toontown

In line for the Haunted Mansion, BAD IDEA! I forgot about the start with thunder and complete darkness. It scared the crap out of the boys.

That right there was worth the drive, the sweat, and every single penny

Completely in love with Mickey. My Mom and I were in tears watching this

In line for Small World it was another hit

Hudson on Small World

Noah didn't want any of the rides to end

All three napping at the same time, Disneyland wore them out

The parade was second after meeting Mickey and we some how lucked out with some AWESOME seats. Hearing them name all the characters and Noah's pure delight when Lion King when showed up with forever be a special moment in my mind

All the boys got ears, even Hudson. This was a rare moment where they both kept them on for a picture.

Ice cream break

Yummy pineapple whip while waiting for the Enchanted Tiki Room

We had a blast and I am SO glad we decided to do it. Can't wait to go back again in two years for the twins 4th Birthday and Hudson's 2nd.

At a Crossroad

2011-10-04T13:13:00.000-07:00

I am at that place once again. As you might have noticed personal venting and info has been flowing less freely on the blog, I have three blog posts I never even published. At this point I will either be just keeping it simple and sharing some pics or you will get an invite to a private blog.

I will also be limiting my FB posts and info, no no I can't completely stop because my kids are just too darn cute not to share some things! I choose not to say exactly why right now, but might end up going into it on the private blog. For now I have realized that sharing fun stories, personal information, pictures, and information or even venting will be done more with those around us in real life.

I have a very heavy heart right now and am quite sure I have some PPD going on. Thankfully I do have a doctors appointment this week and determine what is really going on. Until then I will be sharing some basic info and pics here when I can because I hope that someday my children can look back and see how much I loved them and be able to view all the fun stories.

For now I will just vent to those who will let me, those who help me when I truly need it, and those who know when something is wrong before I even do, which most times is my amazing Husband and a few wonderful friends. I am tired of hurting, so the best way to make it go away is not to share, not to put myself out there and in turn hopefully the hurt will go away.

A Hudson Update

2011-10-04T08:32:00.000-07:00

Little man is now over a month old! He is SO easy going and only cries if he is hungry. He eats every three hours during the day and is usually only waking up once at night around 3 or 4 a.m. I know know know another good sleeper. He has pretty much outgrown newborn clothes and diapers and is very alert and starting to be awake a little more during the day. He enjoys his play mat and likes to look up at the toys he is also very fond of his Brother's laughter. He loves to go on walks and just goes with the flow all the time. I guess with two year old twin Brothers you kind of have to.

Our TWO TWO Train Party!

2011-10-03T14:27:00.000-07:00

First off a HUGE GIANT MAMBO JUMBO THANK YOU to Andrea for the AMAZING CAKES! You made the party, and you are so very talented I will never ever be able to re-pay you for all your hard work (10 hours!) Just know that we love you VERY much and feel honored that you did this for us.

The day went great we munched on Costco deli trays, fruit salad, chips, and homemade potato salad. We had a great turn out and I think everyone seemed to have a good time. The boys played hard core on the playground and the day was completely free of meltdowns. We couldn't have asked for much more.

A Few More Real Birthday Pictures

2011-09-30T10:18:00.000-07:00

A Day at the Beach

2011-09-29T09:18:00.000-07:00

Just before the Daddy had to go back to work we had some REALLY hot weather. This meant it was MUCH to hot to go to the park or play in the backyard and we were really wanting to spend some nice family time together so we escaped the heat and drove about an hour away to the beach. It was a wonderful day and I was sad to see it end as it meant that our time with Daddy home was about to end. It meant that Hudson was almost one month old, and that things would soon be going back to a new normal.

The day was bitter sweet, I really have some mixed emotions about time passing now especially knowing that this will be our last baby and knowing how quickly time passes.

N&A's Party #1

2011-09-28T14:34:00.000-07:00

For N&A's actual birthday we had a smaller family gathering. Their actual Birthday happened to fall on opening night of Raider football and the DH is a die hard Raider fan. I am not sure who enjoyed this party more the boys or the Daddy. It just so happened that two days before this I hosted my Best Friend's 40th FIESTA birthday party. We had a margarita machine, a taco vendor, karaoke, and kegs of Mexican beer. Well we had LOTS of left over food and beer so N&A's party turned into a football fiesta. We played the game in the backyard on a projector screen. I made cupcakes and a couple dips and warmed up all the leftovers and off we went. This was a smallish event and we all had a blast focusing one our favorite little pair.

The hit of the night were the "far-fuckels" (tricycles) form Grammy and Papa and the teeter-totter from Great-Grammy and Papa Boyd. The quote of the night was made by Aaden after the presents were opened "where did the Birthday go?"

Who knew $4 balloons could be so entertaining. Thank you Grammy for coming over on your lunch break and surprising us with balloons.

FAR-FUCKELS!

Yup, that describes it!

Our first picture of our family of FIVE!

Woody and Buzz... HUGE hits! Thank you Hernandez Clan.

A puzzle for our puzzle man. Well OF COURSE he knew all the numbers and could put that puzzle together in a flash. That child AMAZES ME!

Let It Spill

2011-09-24T22:24:00.000-07:00

WOW three blogs in one day? Yup I guess that is how I roll now. Things are hectic to say the least. BUT I will say that it is far LESS than my envisions. Here I sit three kids and husbandless BUT it is coming off an event in which I was twinless for four hours just 20 minutes ago.

Things they have been a-changing. My husband is NOW head in charge the head Hancho of the Moose Lodge. Do we love the lodge? Yup. Was the husband and wife deal to be the 2nd in charge until the kids were older (High School)? Yup. But sometimes things happen, and sadly the first in charge passed away which makes my husband/father of three kids two and under/lead sing of a band...newly appointed head in charge of the Moose Lodge.

So here is the thing... am I honored? YES! Do I also feel horrible that we lost a wonderful amazing man who once was the head in charge? YUP! But here we are very stressed, but making the best of it!!! We have now been thrown into what is most likely one of the craziest times of our lives and I know soon we will look back and laugh. (I hope.)

So... tonight, a benefit for our past Governor. A casino night! At first I thought.. NO WAY! But since I watched a friends two kiddos last Monday (yes five kids two and under all alone) I thought "hey maybe she can watch our pair?" Yup! Off the twins went to "Jack's." They were more than thrilled as was the many members of the lodge to meet Hudson when I came walking in with him. So there you have it.. a night out! A sad occasion (to raise money for the Rodger's Family) but a night out none the less. I know Bob and Connie would be glad we came out and helped and played a little Texas Hold 'Em while we chowed on spaghetti, salad, and bread.

The Hubs is still there now, much of his new life and phone calls are there. We are learning how to deal with that. It had been okay since he has been off work and was able to sneak away for stuff during naps, BUT come Monday he is a working man again and will have to figure out how to juggle this all, plus a band gig next weekend. He goes back to work full time and I become a SAHM to three kids two and under. I am excited and overwhelmed at the same time and look forward to my Thursday help. Thursdays will probably become what Fridays are to most.

I have a bazillion millon things I want to say and share, but lord knows I can't spill it all right now.

Aaden is talking NON STOP, Noah is still my little heart breaker that can melt you with his smile.. he is finally starting to put together sentences and has been counting his books and cars. The ABCs are starting to spill from both and they are LOVING having both Mommy and Daddy home with them. Hudson is sleeping some great stretches, 5 and 6 hours and he SO very strong lifting his head up and doing tummy time. He has the sweetest lips and even a little dimple like his cousin Julia.

They were overly spoiled on their Birthday and that makes a Mommy who loves Birthdays smile so big. Don't worry... Birthday pics and posts will come soon.

In big big new we decided to go to Disneyland in a few weeks. We have been wanting to and suddenly a money fairy blessed us with just enough money to pay off a couple more medical bills and also make a special trip to Disney. Might they be too young? Maybe. But worst case.. we will always have those memories of "remember when we took three small children to Disney and it was horrible?" Oh and we might get to meet up with Erin (Hoping for a Peanut) while on our trip, that would be FANTASTIC!

I have much much much more to share, but right now it's just Hudson and I as the twins sleep and the Daddy is still at the Lodge so the memories and moment are going to Hudson instead of the blog.

Birthday pictures coming soon.. you know I won't forget as this is HUGE.. my babies are TWO!

Our TWO Year Olds!

2011-09-24T14:44:00.000-07:00

Hudson Sinclair

2011-09-24T14:29:00.001-07:00

Beach Fun!

2011-09-20T23:30:00.000-07:00

I swear I have not fallen off the earth, just soaking in the Mama of three thing and spending time with the DH before he goes back to work.

I have a blog started, but not posted and LOTS of blog topics running around in my head. And OF COURSE TONS of PICTURES of the BIRTHDAY! I will leave you on a good note and PROMISE to blog and update real soon. At the boys 2 year check up and the Hudson weight check this week Hudson's heart murmur was almost completely gone. I hear it often from friends, family, and strangers, but YES we are so truly blessed. We see the cardiologist again in October.

Hudson - Newborn Shots

2011-09-08T20:25:00.000-07:00

I am so VERY blessed to have numerous talented photographer friends. I am over the moon thankful for them in my life and thankful to have them capture the moments and memories. Here are just some of Hudson's newborn photos, with plenty more where these came from. Thank you so much Kristina and Hannah!

Today my friend Crystal came over and took even more shots of Hudson, but ALSO a trio shot AND TWO YEAR TWIN PICS! They are coming soon!

http://hannahcraig.wordpress.com/
http://www.kristinamadsenphotography.com/

Auntie Hannah's shots (4 days):

Kristina's shots (6 days):

One Week and Haircuts

2011-09-02T13:47:00.000-07:00

Hudson is ONE WEEK OLD TODAY! And the twins got haircuts in preparation for their big BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION. I cannot believe in just 10 days they are going to be TWO YEARS OLD.

Hudson Sinclair Has Arrived

2011-09-01T20:12:00.000-07:00

Little man is here safe and sound. Weighing in at 7 lbs. 1 oz. and 20" long. The c-section was flawless as was the recovery. I am in far less pain than last time. I feel such a sense of completeness having had a normal delivery, our baby in my room, and going home with my little man. Although going home was a whole other problem. An hour before we were supposed to go home the DH ran to the house to get the carseat and found our hallway ceiling collapsed in from an AC leak. Thankfully my Step-Dad and Step-Uncle saved the day and did a temporary fix while the DH cleaned up the mess and insulation. It's still not fully fixed, but thankfully we only had to stay at my Mom's house for about four hours. Always eventful around here!

This completeness was however overshadowed by a medical problem. In the hospital they found a heart murmur. They were not all too worried about him because he was doing perfectly fine. They hooked him up to monitors and did and EKG and he passed with flying colors. Having passed and looking perfectly healthy he was able to stay in our room and come home with us. Yesterday we were sent to a pediatric cardiologist for an echocardiogram to put a picture and a name to the problem.

Baby Hudson has a VSD - Ventricular Septal Defect. He has a very small hole in his heart. Thankfully this hole is in the muscle wall between his left and right ventricle. The doctor is 90% sure the hole will close up on it's own by age one as Hudson grows and the muscle fills in the hole. If not, there is a 99% chance it will be closed by age 2. So we are to carry on as normal and consider him a normal baby and follow up in two months. The hole may even be a little smaller the next time we go in. This problem is found in 1 out of every 500 babies, so it is not super uncommon, but it could be VERY dangerous depending on the size and location. Thankfully Hudson's VSD is small and not in a dangerous location.

Other than that he is healthy, beautiful, and we are deeply in love with him. The twins are doing great and LOVE their baby brother. They always want to know where he is and love to help change his diaper and feed him.

He is a love and great baby already going with the flow. He took to breastfeeding well, but since we have been home I have found that pumping and bottle feeding is slightly faster and easier sometimes. So we are doing both! He eats about every 3 hours and if it's a bottle he has about 2.5 oz.

He had a well baby check yesterday and is 6 lbs. 14.5 oz. We got the all clear with weight gain and he will not go back again for two more weeks, at which time we will also do the twins 2 year check up.

Without further ado, PICTURES:

Our Little Smarty Pants

2011-08-23T08:21:00.000-07:00

Waiting For Hudson...

2011-08-19T11:43:00.000-07:00

All Over The Place

2011-08-16T09:41:00.000-07:00

This blog post is going to be all over the place. I am going to try to play some catch up and fill you in on our crazy lives.

Today marks 10 days until baby Hudson's arrival. Just TEN days! In the evenings I begin to wonder if we will make it 10 days. I am having some major cramps and aches going on and some definite contractions, but still nothing consistent. By the time 7 p.m. hits I can hardly walk from all the work and chaos from the day.

At my 37 week appointment things went fine. It was the 2nd week in a row I have not gained any weight, but the doctor was okay with it. I have still gained just 21 pounds. This is thanks to being off work I imagine and chasing after the boys... we NEVER stop. I try VERY hard to stop while they nap in the afternoon, but that is also the time I get stuff done so it rarely happens.

This Thursday will be my LAST OB appointment and my LAST NST. The following Thursday the 25th DH and I plan to take our little munchkins somewhere special ALL day and make the day ALL about them. Then... we will drop them off at my Grandma's house. We had to change it up a bit because Friday morning I check in at 5 a.m., which would mean Gram would have to get up around 3 a.m. to be here. So now they will spend an extra night with her. She will drive them back here Friday to meet their little Brother. SO SURREAL!

So we all know that my little duo makes me SO proud, but there is another man in my life that makes me just as proud. Makes me burst with smiles and feel like the luckiest woman alive. That would be my talented husband! He has been in a a band for awhile now, but this last year they changed some members and really stepped it up a notch. They are sounding amazing and getting a great following. Last week they were honored to be asked to play at our local county fair, while to some this may not sound like much, but really for us.. well it's the big time. What greater local exposure? And let me tell you HE HIT IT OUT OF THE PARK. On Sunday he had another gig at a local restaurant. My phone mic was acting up so I am hoping you could hear some of it. Thankfully the mic problem was an easy fix, but the videos are still quiet. The band is on a little break now do to Hudson's arrival, but I will try again in October when they resume.

The Bugs are doing great and still THRIVING with Mama home. It's amazing the changes that can happen with Mommy home. We are still in debates about what will happen come December with me working. We are thinking we might try like heck to come up with a super tight budget so I can stay home and just go in Thursdays when we have free help. We have also been throwing around the idea of me picking up a night job maybe two nights a week. In a perfect world we could swing me staying home, but we all know this world isn't prefect, so I am still asking around and trying to find some options that don't cost as much as I am making that day at work. In all honesty, the more I stay home the more I love it. When I was working I loved doing both, but I know now how much I really do love being home. I cannot imagine how all this crap at home did or will get done if I worked two or three days a week. I am ALWAYS busy!

I have some shots of our maternity shoot I want to be sure and post here because soon enough we will be bombarded by photos of Hudson and the maternity photos will be old news. This is not all of them, the rest are still being edited.

One Daddy's biggest fans!

A glimpse of the fair

A "Hi Mama!" always melts my heart

So proud of his shirt

The diaper drama continues. Note the diaper on the mantel and the diaper in mid air.

37 Weeks

The back-up singers

Hey No-ey you think I can pass the jeep in front of us?

This is what happens when I bring a new baby item into the house

Look Mom I found this growing on the plant and I picked it and took a big bite!

Baby Shower

2011-08-09T10:06:00.000-07:00

When asked numerous times if I was having a baby shower, my answer was always "no." I was under the impression that with second babies you didn't have a shower and I was totally fine with that. I mean we had a huge blowout for the boys shower and we still had much of their things left over for Hudson. So what if buggie boy had all hand me down blankies and clothes?

Well my wonderful friends had a different idea. They felt Hudson and I needed a little spoiling too. Much to my surprise a shower was brewing. I found out a couple weeks prior to the shower and was delighted to say the least. It was just perfect! An intimate girls brunch where I could spend time with some wonderful girls and Hudson was blessed with some special blankies, clothes, and toys just for him. Sweet boy does need to know how much he was/is loved too.

I had no idea the theme or who would be there. It was fun not knowing the details. The girls did an A-MAZING job! The brunch was amazing as was the company. Andrea out did herself with the sweetest diaper cake and gorgeous farm themed cupcakes. Susie outdid herself with the amazing food and decorations.

All in all it was a beautiful day where I could get away and relax and feel pampered. Hudson and I were showered with love. Huge huge thank yous to Susie and Andrea for the beautiful day, I could not ask for more. Love you girls!

Skinny Girl margaritas only became available in my area while I was pregnant,

so I have yet to try them . Can't wait!

Needless to say Gabe was thrilled to see these.

Auntie Heather came through again with a beautiful hand made blanket. This time complete with cowboy theme.

Beautiful, soft, angelic blankie made by my Mom

Feed the piggie! Aaden loves to feed his piggie change, no doubt Hudson will love it too.

Yahoo special blankets just for Hudson

Winding Down

2011-08-05T11:14:00.000-07:00

The days are winding down. I am now 36 weeks pregnant, and have just 21 more days left of my old life. My life with just my two little guys. Just when things are getting easier we are going to take a huge spoon and stir the pot of life. Just when running errands got easy, Aaden has started using the potty and we got into a perfect routine, the waves will begin. Just when I have forgot what sleepless nights (due to children) feels like, they will begin again. Just when there is not a bottle in sight, they will make their way back.

I would love to tell you all that I am super excited and can't wait for the change, but that would be a lie. I am SCARED TO DEATH! I can't quite tell ANYONE this, so I am thankful to get to try to let it all out here, which often times makes me feel better. I am not sure how I am supposed to be feeling right now so maybe it is normal. People keep saying "I bet you are so excited?" I am excited about the baby, but not excited about change and more chaos.

How on earth am I going to do this? I mean I know I can somehow eventually handle it at home, but will I EVER leave the house? Will my new reality mean never leaving the house with the three kids? Are the days of going out to pizza or mexican food over? Are the days where I can run errands with the kids gone? I have SO many unknowns right now and that is hard for me! Who will watch little man when I go back to work? Does it even make sense to go back to work? As I run the numbers in my head most all the money I make at work will go to the childcare for the three kids, which seems insane, but then again it keeps my mind working, my foot in the door at work, and gives me some grown up conversation. So much is up in the air and that makes this Mommy uneasy. I am NOT good at unknown, I plan EVERYTHING. You should see my garage. I now have bags packed for the boys to go to my Grandma's house when the baby comes.

The plan is Gram will come over early Friday morning before we leave for the hospital. Once baby Hudson is out and we have settled in a bit she will head over to the hospital with the boys so they can all meet baby "Husson." This is a moment that makes me excited and melts my heart. They will visit for awhile and then... off they will go to Grammy's for the weekend. Originally it was only going to be for the night, but since she is feeling well and because my Aunt will also spend the weekend at Gram's the weekend it is! This took a HUGE weight off my shoulders. Now I know they will be well taken care of during the day and night and the Daddy can spend the weekend with Hudson and I (which btw is also our seven year anniversary weekend). My biggest fear for Gram is bedtime, I have somehow raised two kids who only really know sleeping in their cribs in their room. They are ANGELS at sleeping in their beds and going right down, but throw in a wrench and OH NO! Soooooo... hopefully it goes okay and Gram isn't high tailing it back to town with them Saturday morning. I have arranged for a possible sitter Monday and Tuesday days for them. But as of right now I am not certain if I will be home Monday or Tuesday and not sure if the boys will be home Sunday or Monday.

My bag is somewhat packed, today I will work on toiletries and I guess I better make sure camera and camcorder stay charged up at this point. You should see the boys corner of the garage where I have packed their things. I swear sometimes I am SO over the top in planning. They have a clothes, diaper, and toiletries bag. A back-pack with 10 toys, 2 books, and one puzzle in it. A gallon of juice, a lunch box full or their favorite snacks, two pack n' plays, and then a note with a list of things to be added last minute: milk, blue sandals, blue sweat shirts, 5 cups, booster seats, 2 pillows, 4 blankets, and blue stroller. Yes I know right? Over the top! But that is me and this is the crap that is going on in my mind and keeps me up at night. I NEED to learn how to let go. I also need to learn how to ask for help. If someone can please send me a way to do that, I would be eternally grateful.

This week has been a rough one for all kinds of reasons, mostly the ups and downs with Gram and some other crap I have been feeling. But now that we know Gram is healthy I have been working on just concentrating on right now. Enjoying today and trying not to dwell on some feelings I am having and trying not to worry about the future. I know somehow it will all work out.

Boys party is 98% done and the big party I am planning for my friend is coming together as well. My goal for next week is to wrap that up. Then the following two weeks I can relax with the boys and get last minute Hudson room stuff done and get the house in tip top shape.

Yesterday I had another NST and an appointment, both went great. The nurse that did the NST was awesome. She let me look around L&D and pick out my favorite rooms, hehehe. So just in case the room I had with the boys is taken I know my next couple favorites. I didn't gain any weight this week, which is fine with me and the doc. I have gained a total of 21 pounds, which is higher than I planned, but eh oh well. With only three weeks to go it shouldn't get much higher. They are guessing Hudson weighs 5.5 pounds right now. I am measuring 35 weeks instead of 36, but that could be because he is really dropping. Doc guessed we would have a 7.5 pound baby on August 26th. Cervix is closed, but shortening and Hudson's head is pushing on my cervix and giving me a truly awkward feeling mostly because he is irritating the cerclage which is a HORRIBLE annoying feeling that makes me feel like I can't move, but also have to pee. I could really do without that.

In poopy news my disability claim has not even been started, and once it is... it still takes 2 - 3 weeks to see any money. We are taking it day by day now and trying not to freak out yet. Thanks to my amazing Grammy she paid off the last of our medical bills (which wasn't all that big anymore), but took a HUGE weight off our shoulders. So so thankful that I will never have to looks at medical bills in the thousands ever again. Come January we switch to an insurance which will cost us more per month, but has NO deductible. It's also a hospital my Mommy works at so it should be GREAT!

This weekend is my "surprise" baby shower. hahahaaha. Yup my two wonderful friends Susie and Andrea have been planning a small shower. I am not up on ANY of the details and not sure who all was invited, but I did find out about it from a few people who didn't know it was a surprise and also because the hostesses wanted to be sure I didn't make any plans for that day. Truly truly excited to get together to celebrate baby Hudson.

Have You Ever...

2011-08-02T15:04:00.000-07:00

Have you ever spent most of the night in bed praying for a miracle? Praying for a different outcome? Praying that your problem would magically go away? I remember all too well what it was like to spend a majority of every night praying. Praying to become a Mom, and then praying for healthy full-term babies. Last night, I spent most of the night praying for a miracle for my Grammy. I prayed that the cancer would just go away. All I wanted was for it to go away and never come back.

I received a call from Grammy this morning. When I saw her picture on my phone, I knew this was the call, which was going to tell us the "next step." I heard her tears, much harder tears that yesterday. I braced myself and held myself up against the kitchen sink trying to remain as calm as I could for the boys. Then I detected a hint of laughing in her voice as she yelled... "IT'S NOT CANCER!" I just kept saying "thank you God!" It seems that yesterday her doctors office jumped the gun in reading her results to her. After more thorough review from the specialist, it is NOT cancer, but more a form of pre-cancer that just needs to be watched. I guess it is hard to explain, so they plan to meet with the specialist tomorrow to go over all the details, but the AMAZING news is she is all clear and nothing further needs to happen. Thank you thank you thank you God! And thank you all for your concern and prayers, we are so very blessed yet again.

Today I was delighted to meet up with a long time fertility friend and fellow blogger. We met in an IVF buddy group on FF back in 2008. There are five of us girls who have remained close since we met in the group and all of us have been blessed with at least a baby (mostly two) since that time. Ryan recently moved about an hour away from me so we decided to meet at a museum near her. The museum was great, I can't wait to take the boys back with the Daddy. It was so fun to meet Ryan and her kids, we all had a ball. Well, until Noah had a mini melt down because he was so over tired and we had to struggle to make the walk to the car with no stroller. We plan to meet up again after baby Hudson comes, maybe somewhere a little closer to me next time.

Aaden rocking out

Noah loved the bubbles and the frogs

Evie & William

Aaden loving the fish

My guys

Noah & Evie. We joked that they look related.

Aaden is definitely musical

What a fun time!

Special Announcement

2011-08-01T13:48:00.000-07:00

AADEN WENT PEE PEE ON THE POTTY!!!!!!!!!!! Yahoo, this Mommy is over the moon! I am hoping this is the start of the real training, but who knows maybe it was just a fluke. And yes of course I took a picture, but I will spare you the pee pee details. Yahoo to my big boy!

No results yet on Grammy, still waiting on pins and needles.

***Update**** Results are in and it IS cancer. Please keep us and my Gram in your thoughts and prayers.

I Could Get Used to This

2011-07-29T10:53:00.000-07:00

Working from home... it's the best of both worlds. Using my brain and making some money while the buggies sleep, but still being home for them.

I got the opportunity to help out with some data entry for a friends business. I am not sure how long it will last, but for now I am grateful. I am going on one month and still no sign of my disability check so this is REALLY going to help, plus I feel... hummm what's the word? "Useful" for more than cleaning house and wiping booties. This is JUST what I needed!

Yesterday we checked up on Baby H and he was great. Fluid levels were amazing and AGAIN showing the package and breathing. I had a different doctor this time and he is VERY thorough. He recommended NSTs TWICE a week. My jaw dropped and all I could mutter was "I have twins." Childcare is SUPER hard for me to come by right now. I used to be able to count on Thursday help, but given my Grandma's situation I don't know when and if I will have that for awhile. OH MY GOODNESS... update on that. Surgery went well, they went in twice and are pretty sure they were able to remove the whole spot. We will know the results on Monday and will go from there. Thanks so much for your thoughts and prayers.

Anyways childcare right now is pretty much non-existent so the NSTs and the weekly doctors appointments just made my heart sink. Thankfully the doctor agreed to NSTs just once a week. I picked Thursdays for appointments and NSTs in hopes that between my Mom and Grandma we can work something out. My Mom is usually off Thursdays, but for extra money she often picks up an extra shift that day and/or has errands and things she needs to do as well. Soon enough the boys will be in pre-school two days a week and then I will be on a mission to find a Hudson sitter a couple days a week. The hunt NEVER ends. Those of you who have childcare help from family, please NEVER take for granted how lucky you are.

They were able to get me in for a 4:30 NST so thankful for that because the Daddy was home with the boys by that time. I found the test to be pure heaven! A quiet hospital room (the same room I labored with the boys, that brought back some memories) surrounded by pillows, the sounds of Hudson's little ticker, and a remote to a TV. What wasn't to love? They handed me a button to push when he moved. Well wouldn't ya know it, it was the most active he has EVER been and he had hiccups the entire 30 minutes. I was sent home passing with flying colors, the babes is doing great. I was told to watch for labor signs and get into L&D at any signs so they could be sure to have enough time to remove the cerclage and prep for the c-section. Just 28 days of less...

30 Days, Prayers, and an Overload

2011-07-27T08:51:00.000-07:00

30 days until Hudson makes his debut. 30 days until we are starting all over with a newborn and I am indulging in strawberry soda and sushi. Oh and maybe a couple weeks later I will be having my first taste of a Skinny Girl Margarita or a nice crisp glass of Sauvignon Blanc.

Yesterday a friend of mine took maternity pics, it was HECTIC to say the least. Trying to get the boys in the same picture as us was utter chaos. But at the end of the day we some how managed to get some decent shots. We weren't going for the lets stand a smile and pose kind because that's just not our life anymore. I CANNOT wait to see how they turned out. Seriously CANNOT wait.

Yesterday I took the boys out to lunch and to get a car wash. There was a woman there with two kids (older than mine of course) and a 7 week old. Lunch was arriving and she was dealing with that and at the same time the baby got hungry. I started to panic slightly for her. But nope she swopped up the baby held his bottle with her chin and carried on helping the older kids. I began to wonder if breastfeeding would be just as easy, easier, or maybe harder. I didn't really "breastfeed" the boys. I pumped and fed them because Noah never really latched. I am having quite a bit of anxiety over what is "right for us this time." I say I want to go with breastfeeding, BUT bottles seem SO much easier with all we have going on. I can pass him off to friends and family to help and won't have to figure out how to try to breastfeed him discreetly in public places and then what happens a few months later when I go back to work? At the end of the day I DO want to give it my best effort, BUT I am not going to let myself feel like a failure if it doesn't work out. I know at the start it WILL be harder than bottles, but eventually it WILL be easier. So the plan is to try to attack it with every ounce I have.

Tomorrow is the big day, Gram's surgery please please please keep her in your thoughts and prayers.

Somebody thinks he is the baby

Daddy got a back up singer at his last event

The temporary fix to our diaper issue until the pull-ups arrived

Adding Hudson to the mix

Probably one of the cutest baby butts EVER, I am sure he will love this someday

Another picture, really?

Aaden LOVES his Papa Wayne

Kissing and showing Mama where Hudson is

Aaden and Cousin Julia

Noah taking in the view

Noah & Cousin Julia

First time fishing

Our little guys

For some crazy reason Aaden is our biggest chatter box, but I manage to have more videos of Noah talking. Probably because Aaden won't do it on command. Ya know "Aaden what does the doggie say?" The kid just looks at me like stupid.. you know what the dog says. He instead will just carry on a full conversation when you least expect it. Noah, he will play copycat with me, so here are some copycat videos and a Hudson kicking video.

My Future Baseball Star and 33 Weeks

2011-07-17T20:53:00.000-07:00

Updates and Prayers

2011-07-15T14:13:00.000-07:00

It always seems to happen that just when things are going smooth you hit a bump. I am at a time in my life where I couldn't ask for much more. I am home with my bugs enjoying the Summer, my amazing amazing amazing friends and my super wonderful family. I am surrounded by supportive, optimistic, fun, and loving people not to mention an amazing Husband and two wonderful little boys with one more on the way. I fall asleep with a smile on my face, and wake up to the sounds of my monkeys chatting in their room. Really.. at a great place. So wouldn't ya know it that a bump would come along?

7 years ago while in the midst of wedding planning the unthinkable happened and my Grammy was diagnosed with lung cancer. I have mentioned my Gram a bit on here and that's because she is a huge part of my life and a huge part of me. My Mom was young when she had me and my Mom became a single Mom when I was VERY young. My Gram played a huge part in my life. Many a Summers and weekends would be spent at her house where I learned to cook, and clean, learned religion, and saw what a wonderful marriage looks like. Even still my Gram plays a huge part in our lives and comes over every Thursday to take care of the boys, or more recently just hang out with us and chit chat and help me out with the boys and the house.

So 7 years ago Gram fought through. She took that cancer and squashed it! They were able to remove the spot on her lungs and no additional treatment was needed, although YES it was a very invasive surgery and took her quite some time to heal, but she did it and even climbed to the top of Half Dome in Yosemite a year later. Well after a routine mammogram a few weeks ago they found a spot on her breast. Quickly after that they sent her in for a biopsy, well because of the location and the blood vessels around the spot they were not able to perform the biopsy. She waited for an appointment and was able to get in with the specialist. He thought that going in for surgery to remove the spot made the most sense. So on the 28th Gram will go in for surgery to remove the spot. At this point we are not sure if it is cancerous or not. They will do their best to remove it and some of the cells around it. We pray for a safe surgery and also pray that the spot is not cancerous. Please please keep my Gram in your thoughts now and in a couple weeks as she goes through the surgery and awaits the results.

In other not so important news my chest pain is doing WAY better today and yesterday I got to see baby H. I had what is most likely my final ultrasound and cervix check. Cervix was a 3.8, holy moly no shortening going on here and more than likely that has little to do with the cerclage. My cervix just didn't handle twins all that well. Hudson was breathing like crazy and even managed to show the doc that his testicles have dropped... YES Hudson we KNOW you are a boy, you don't have to keep rubbing it in Mommies face. hehehe. Surgery date is set, we will first remove the cerclage and then move on with the c-section. I opted NOT to tie my tubes after a lot of going back and forth. Do I think I will be having more kids? NO! But it was too hard to make such a final decision at just 29. However, I WILL be getting on something more than just birth control pills in the future. Next hard decision will be what to do with the five frozen embryos.

In buggie news this week has FLOWN by, I am not quite sure how I did all this and worked, I am LOVING staying home and spending time with them. I have done some schedule switch up and it seems to be working great. Bugs wake up around 8, but chit chat a bit then we have some breakfast and play together. From 10 - 11 they watch Sesame Street in their room while I do some clean up and laundry. 11 - 12:30 we color or do puzzles, play at the park, play outside, or go for a walk. 12:30 is lunch time and 1:00 is nap time. It's crazy how naps from moved from 11:30 to 1:00 in just 7 months. But I LOVE it because if we decide to go out it gives us much more awake time to do something instead of hurrying home for naps. They awake usually around 3 and we take a snack outside and play. About 4:20 on Tuesday, Thursdays, and Fridays the Daddy comes home, which we LOVE! Mondays and Wednesdays he doesn't, which can make for a long day. We all have dinner around 6 and then baths have been moved to 7:30 and bedtime to 8:00. It's working great, they very rarely fight sleep now that nap time has moved 30 minutes later and bedtime has moved 30 minutes later.

In Birthday Buggie news... a party has been planned! I am big on Birthdays, they are special to me. I rarely let special days of those I love go un-noticed. We thought long and hard about what to do for the buggies considering Hudson will only be two weeks old. We thought about just doing nothing, or trying to combine their Birthday with a welcome baby party for Hudson or even combining it with a friend of mines son whos Birthday is the day before the boys for some party help. Well the boys WILL be getting their special day or two. Their actual birthday falls on opening night of football, which also happens to be RAIDER football. My Husband is a DIE-HARD Raider fan so we will have a pizza and football party at home for close friends and family. The following weekend we will have a Choo-choo train party at the park. Nothing crazy, the guest list has been cut a lot from last years since it isn't their first birthday. I have already created and made the invitations via Heritage Makers scrapping and last night I ordered all the supplies. Sort of. I ordered about half the napkins and plates we need because frugal me plans to go to Target and buy the other half in a solid color to alternate and make them stretch farther, same with the table cloths I will buy a solid color. No goodie bags either, instead I ordered a train pinata. So after a target run for my solids and some candy all that's left is food. Pretty sure it will be burgers, hot dogs, watermelon, and BBQ chips. Remember keeping it simple here as I will have a three week old. My beautiful and amazing friend Andrea has agreed to make two train cakes, one for each boy. I heart her, her and my amazing friends are the reason I opted for this party because I know they will be around to help me out. Here is a party spoiler...

http://www.birthdayexpress.com/Two-Two-Train-2nd-Birthday-Party-Supplies/64713/PartyKitDetail.aspx

July 4th, What a Difference Five Years Can Make...

2011-07-13T14:58:00.000-07:00

2007

2008

2009

2010

2011

Ouch!

2011-07-13T14:29:00.000-07:00

So yesterday shortly after lunch I started getting some pain in my chest, and more specifically behind my heart. It was a tightness feeling that hurt when I took a deep breath, straightened my back, coughed, or stretched out my left arm. I initially thought it was a little gas bubble, but as the problem continued with NO relief I started wondering.

This morning I called the OB to see what they thought. To much surprise they urged me to go to the ER right away. The ER with my twins? Huh? Thankfully my sister was at home and up for watching them. When I got to the ER they rushed me in right away and three nurses and the EKG man followed me. Talk about scary! Within 10 minutes or so I was checked-in, vitals done, as well as the EKG. The doctor came in and said my EKG was okay, not perfect, but acceptable. He said he heard a pretty substantial heart murmur. I had been told I had a mild one off and on throughout my life, but this doctor said it was VERY noticeable and that sometimes pregnancy can make it worse. They did blood work to rule out a heart attack, uhhh talk about scare me half to death. Baby H was kicking away and probably was enjoying some down time.

The ticker seems to be okay, although the ER doc would like me to follow up with a cardiologist for an echo cardio gram sometime in the near future for the murmur. Turns out my rib bones have shifted and are irritating the cartilage in my chest wall bone which is causing the pain. It is a condition called costochondritis. Usually is lasts 1 - 2 weeks, but who knows in this case. Unfortunately I can only take Tylenol for the pain and try to avoid doing the things that irritate it. I decided to rest when the boys rested today, so here I am cuddled up on my couch hoping to make this crazy thing go away.

I am VERY thankful that is all it was and it makes sense because the little dude is pushing on my rib bones. Had I not been pregnant I guess this also comes on related to stress, but since I am pregnant the doctor assumes it is from the baby pushing on my ribs. Either way I am planning to take it easy as I can with two 22 month olds. Yup, bugs turned 22 months yesterday! Their speaking and interacting with each other is totally mind boggling lately.

Maternity Leave, The 4th, and a Smart Cookie

2011-07-08T14:36:00.000-07:00

31 week appointment went great. Baby H is doing perfect and the Doc wasn't at all worried about my placenta being "mature" she said that doesn't mean much. My cervix was great at about a 3 and baby boy was head down. He has hair and was doing his breathing. What an over achiever. At the end of the appointment I asked about maternity leave as I wanted to get an exact date. Doc looked puzzled and walked over to my chart and said "you're working?" I told her I was and she said that I should have been off around 28 weeks because this is still considered a high risk pregnancy and I have every reason to be taking it easy. So that was that. I finished out my week at work and wrapped some things up and here I am.. AT HOME until December!

I will say it is NOT very relaxing being at home, but I am loving it. Although an incident about 30 minutes ago I could have done without. Friday nights the Daddy has softball, so after lunch I decided to give the boys a bath early. After baths I put them in their cribs for a nap in ONLY a diaper. BAD MOVE! About 45 minutes later I heard a loud thump and then a scream. YUP, Aaden had finally made his way out of the crib, but wait... POOP! Yup he had taken his diaper off and painted poop all over the crib. I stripped the crib and glanced over at Noah who's crib had smelly spit up in it. Too much cheese for my guy, he has a sensitive tummy even still. Both cribs got stripped and both boys headed back to the tub. Happy Friday!

The Smart Cookie - Noah Warren